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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > dreams at ten, twelve & sixteen

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dreams at ten, twelve & sixteen  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Wed Aug 16th, 2006 01:44 am
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1077
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Mana: 
i like dreams
where everything
is clean, even night
windows, like the one
i looked out
when i was a kid
and neighbor bill
was lying in his yard,
beer pants and drunk
as red stones, his wife
i could see in their window,
in soft yellow light
crying, mouthing words
i couldn’t hear
yet even the next
morning there were
chocolate chip cookies
for my sister and me

i like dreams
where everything
is clear, even people
are clear, so clear
i can see right through
them, like the one girl
i kissed near sand hill,
the tall one with blonde
hair and a carolina
accent so carolinian
even her name was
carolyn, and sweet, she
was so sweet even
the honey bees
offered their queen
in exchange for her lips

i like dreams
where everything
is constant, even tools
like hammer, chisel, level,
or grandmother’s walnut
mantel clock i had retooled
for my parent’s twenty-fifth
anniversary, new springs
and coils, precision
wound every five days,
tick & tock sound
as steady as the hands
it took to wind it

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 Posted: Wed Aug 16th, 2006 12:41 pm
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Kate
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Joined: Thu Aug 3rd, 2006
Location: Chichester, United Kingdom
Posts: 59
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Mana: 
I like the way this poem moves through memory.  It's the detail that brings it to life.  Each detail has its own story - snatches of time.  Nice link with the clock.

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