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 Posted: Thu Apr 29th, 2010 04:24 pm
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Moonmi
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Joined: Fri Jun 5th, 2009
Location: Illinois USA
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Mana: 
I have started to collect these into an evening of short bits.  I'm planning on doing about 12 or 15 of them so it's about 45 minutes total.  More as a cabaret piece.  Let me know what you think of the newest.

 

As always thanks for all the input.  Enjoy

OCTOBER 31, 1517
A LARGE GROUP IS GATHERED IN FRONT OF A CHURCH
A YOUNGISH MAN STEPS THRU THE CROWD
HE MOVES TO THE FRONT


MARTIN
Excuse me.  Excuse me.  Coming thru please.


There are grumbles from the crowd and general noise


MARTIN
All right, quiet.  Quiet please. Could I have your attention?


The noise continues


MARTIN
I said could I have your attention please? 


The noise quiets


MARTIN
Thank you.  My name is Martin, Martin Luther.  And I’m here today to call your attention to a serious set of problems that we are having with the Church of Rome.


PEASANT ONE
I don’t have a problem with the church, as long as the keep their hands out of my pockets. If you know what I mean?


There is laughter


MARTIN
People!  People!  This is serious.  As you know the church has been selling indulgences for many, many years.


PEASANT TWO
What’s an indulgence?


MARTIN
It’s a kind of forgiveness.


PEASANT TWO
But I ain’t done nothing.  So why should I need to be forgiven?


MARTIN
We’ve all done something.  Something we shouldn’t have.


PEASANT THREE
Speak for yourself, college boy.


PEASANT TWO
You mean like a get out of jail free card?


MARTIN
Yes. Yes sort of like that.


PEASANT TWO
Are you telling me that the church is selling get out of jail cards?  ‘Cause I’ve got a brother in jail over in Munich and I’d love to get him out.


MARTIN
No.  No.  Not get out of jail, get out of hell.


PEASANT TWO
Oh, it’s hell in that prison all right. 
(to another peasant)
Do you know they had him strung on the rack for three days just for making the wrong change to one of the Duke’s kids. 


PEASANT ONE
That’s awful. 


PEASANT THREE
A shame it is.  That’s what it is a bloody shame.  Just ain’t right for the aristocracy to have all that power. Power should flow from the populous.  Not some hereditarian lineage.


MARTIN
People?  People?  Focus!  This isn’t about the aristocracy, it’s about the church.


PEASANT ONE
One and the same if you ask me.


PEASANT TWO
They certainly do act like it don’t they, all high and mighty like.


PEASANT THREE
Prancing about those big buildings in their long dresses and pointy hats.  It’s shameful.


MARTIN
Can we get back to why we’re all here?


PEASANT ONE
Why are we all here?


MARTIN
I’ve written up these ninety-five theses.


PEASANT TWO
Ninety five what?


MARTIN
Theses.


PEASANT TWO
What’s a theses?


MARTIN
It’s like an argument.


PEASANT TWO
What are you arguing about?


PEASANT ONE
Yeah, can’t we all just get along?


MARTIN
Don’t you see, the Catholic Church is making a mockery of religion.  You can’t buy or sell your way into heaven.


PEASANT THREE
How much does it cost?


MARTIN
Pardon me?


PEASANT THREE
I said. How much does it cost?  I always wondered. Not that I’d ever have that kind of money, but I always wondered.


MARTIN
You can’t buy your way into heaven.  That’s the point.


PEASANT THREE
But you said the church is selling passes into heaven.  I just wondered what they’re charging, that’s all.


MARTIN
I don’t know.  What difference does it make?  You can’t do it.


PEASANT THREE
But suppose you could.  How much do you think a thing like that would cost? 

 
MARTIN
I don’t have any idea. 


PEASANT THREE
Just a ballpark.


MARTIN
Maybe a couple hundred bucks, I don’t know.


PEASANT THREE
That’s all?  Really.


MARTIN
You’re missing the point.  You can’t do it.  Listen, this is ridiculous.  I’m just going to nail these things to the door and you all can look at them and get back to me with what you think all right.


PEASANT ONE
You’re going to nail them to the church door?


MARTIN
Yes.  Everybody does it.  Look here’s an advertisement for  cattle deworming. Here’s a notice for a lost dog, and this one is for a way to make money on the internet, what ever the heck that is.  I’m just going to put my theses right up here next to the ad for cesspool cleaning.


PEASANT TWO
Hey there, don’t cover that up, that’s my livelihood your mucking with.


MARTIN
All right then.  I’ll take down this notice for a party at Mistress Julie’s shack for last month, and put up my theses.


PEASANT THREE
Did you hear about that party?  It was a humdinger. She had some of them French girls up for the weekend. They had to call in the constables. 

 
Martin realizes he doesn’t have a hammer


MARTIN
Does anyone have a hammer?  You there, the Carpenter.  Can I borrow your hammer?


PEASANT ONE
I’m a Baker.


MARTIN
But you’re dressed like a Carpenter.


PEASANT ONE
I’m not a real Carpenter. It’s my costume for All Hallows Eve.


MARTIN
You’re what?


PEASANT ONE
My costume.  It’s All Hallows Eve.  We get dressed up in costumes and go door to door asking for candy and sweets.   You’ve really got to get out of that monastery old boy.


PEASANT TWO
I’ve got a hammer.


MARTIN
But you’re a Baker, why would you have a hammer?


PEASANT TWO
Weren’t you listening?  It’s All Hallow’s, I’m a Carpenter that’s dressed as a Baker.


PEASANT ONE
And I’m a Baker that’s dressed like a Carpenter.  How’s that for irony?


MARTIN
Oh for God’s sake, give me the hammer.


The Carpenter pats his pockets


PEASANT TWO
Ahh, sorry.  I guess I left it in my other pants.


Another peasant comes running onstage


PEASANT FOUR
Hey everybody!  The priests are handing out candy at the back door of the church and their wrapped in indulgences.  Hurry up before they’re all gone!


He runs back offstage


The other peasant's look at each other and then run off after him


MARTIN
Wait!  Wait!  I still need a hammer!


Martin sits on the ground dejected


MARTIN
This is one hell of a way to start a Reformation.


He throws his papers in the air.


BLACKOUT


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 Posted: Wed May 12th, 2010 04:09 pm
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Moonmi
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Joined: Fri Jun 5th, 2009
Location: Illinois USA
Posts: 32
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Mana: 
Just a note to say that another one of my "Great Moment's in History: Columbus takes a Powder"  Was chosen as a part of the "In a New York Minute Festival" done by Spare Change Theatre.

So was a work by our own Paddy  Life- the Epilogue.  Congrats Paddy

 

This is my first New York presentation, and I couldn't be happier.

 

Thanks for all the kind words.

 

moonmi

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