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Another "Just Do It" piece  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Mon Dec 13th, 2010 01:43 pm
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Darkja
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Joined: Fri Jan 29th, 2010
Location: Monroe, North Carolina USA
Posts: 89
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Mana: 
Dear Friends,

        I am once again participating in a new works series called "Just Do It". This series assigns a theme and a time constraint of ten minutes to authors to produce short pieces for staged reading. This time we're giving the Seven Deadly Sins a whirl. My sin is Lust. If you could read and tell me what you think I'd appreciate it.

 

Darkja

 

A Table for Three?


By Todd Ford


© 2010


 

At Rise: Man and Woman are sitting at their table. Waitress is taking their order.

 


Man (talking to the waitress but clearly staring at her breasts)


Two glasses Chardonnay thank you.

 

Woman (obviously irritated)


So this is nice isn’t it?

 

Man


Yeah I’m gladly we finally get some alone time.

 

Woman


Yeah…um…our waitress. She’s attractive. Don’t you think?

 

Man


I don’t know. I was to busy staring at you. (kisses her hand)

 

Woman


That’s sweet but it’s okay. I mean how could you not notice she’s very pretty.

 

Man


I really didn’t notice.

 

Woman


Well you certainly looked at her when you placed the order.

 

Man


Yeah I did.

 

Woman


I mean you really LOOKED at her.

 

Man


I made eye contact it’s polite.

 

Woman


Well then I think you missed.

 

Man


What’s that supposed to mean.

 

Woman


That you were a little south of eye contact.

 

Man


You mean? You thought I was? This is ridiculous.

Woman


No you staring at another woman’s cleavage on our date is ridiculous.

 

Man


I wasn’t staring at her cleavage. You’re imaging things. Can we just try and have a good time.

 

Woman (takes a breath)


Fine…I will try and have a god time.

 

(The Waitress re-enters and sets down two glasses of wine)


 


Waitress (leaning over the table)


Would you like to start with a salad or a cup of soup?

 

Man (a little to flirtatiously)


Soup could be good. I think it might be nice to warm up with something hot.

 

Waitress


Well we have two choices this evening. We have a delicious silky creamy tomato and a French onion topped with warm, melted gooey cheese.

 

Man


And you serve your soup hot right? I like my soup really really warm.

 

Waitress


I’ll be sure to make yours extra hot.

 

Man (gulps)


Uhm honey you want something?

 

Woman (angry)


I’ll just take a nice cold salad.

 

(The waitress leaves)


 


Woman


What are you doing?

 

Man


What? I was ordering soup.

 

Woman


You were hitting on the waitress.

 

 


Man


How can you say that?

 

Woman


I want my soup extra hot.

 

Man


You know I can’t stand cold soup.

 

Woman


Well I hope you like the cold shoulder.

 

Man


Honey, don’t be like that.

 

Woman


Why should I tolerate a woman hitting on my husband right in front of me?

 

Man


You’re imagining things it’s all in your head.

 

Woman


No, it’s not.

 

Man


Yes, it is. Let’s just try and sit back and enjoy our date.

 

Woman


I’ll try but I swear one more thing and I’m going to…

 

(Waitress re-enters)


 


Waitress


Here is your soup sire. (seductive pause) extra hot.

 

Man (tastes the soup)


Mmmm just the way I like it.

 

Waitress


I heated it up just for you.

 

Man


And you certainly succeeded.

 

Waitress (to woman)


Oh…and here’s your salad

Waitress (to man)


Are you read for the main course yet?

 

Man


I certainly am. How are the chicken breasts?

 

Waitress


Plump and succulent.

 

Man


Is it a generous portion?

 

Waitress (winking)


Yes you get two large breasts.

 

Man


Sounds delicious. I think I’ll have those.

 

Waitress


And for you mam?

 

Woman


Nothing for me. I think I’ll just stick to wine.

 

(The waitress leaves)


 


Woman


What the hell was that?

 

Man


I was ordering supper.

 

Woman


Really…Is that what you call it?

Man


What do you mean by that?

 

Woman


You were completely ogling her and the way you ordered.

 

Man


I ordered chicken what’s wrong with that.

 

Woman


No you didn’t order chicken you ordered breasts.

 

Man


That’s what they call pieces of chicken.

 

Woman


Well why you couldn’t have just said chicken?

 

Man


Is that it? Is that why you are angry? Are you really going to cause a scene like this because I said breasts instead of chicken?

 

Woman


It wasn’t what you said. It was how you said. What’s the portion size? Really are you concerned about the cup size of your chicken?

 

Man


Yes, I am concerned that I am getting my money’s worth that’s all.

 

 

Woman


And the way the woman stared at you….

 

Man


Pleas calm down.

 

Woman


And described them as plump and delicious. I mean with me…

 

Man


You’re causing a scene.

 

Woman


Sitting right there. It’s like I was invisible.

 

 


Man


Honey you are not invisible.

 


Woman


Then why are you staring at another woman’s cleavage?

 

Man


I didn’t mean to…I mean I wasn’t.

 

Woman


What did you just say?

 

Man


I said I wasn’t.

 

Woman


No, you said you didn’t mean to.

 

Man


Well, what I meant was…

 

Woman


I think we both no what you meant.

 

Man


I meant….(defeated) I’m sorry.

 

Woman


You should be I mean this was supposed to be…

 

Man


I mean I’m only human.

 

Woman


Romantic and besides she’s half….

 

Man


She flirted with me first.

 

Woman


You age and what make you think she would even be interested.

 

Man


Okay I’m sorry you’re right. You have my absolute undivided attention…

 

(The waitress comes up behind him and runs a hand across his shoulder)


 


Waitress


Did you enjoy your dinner?

 

Man (a little too quickly)


Yes. (dreamily) it was wonderful.

 

Woman


Chuck. (no response) Chuck. (hitting him) Chuck.

 

Man


I’m sorry dearest what were you saying.

Woman


Undivided attention huh?

 

Man


Of course you have my undivided atten…

 

Waitress (whispering in his ear)


Would you like something….sweet.

 

Man


Umm…uh…what do you have?

 

Waitress


Well first we have a hot fudge brownie topped with two heaping mounds of ice cream, drizzled with warm gooey caramel and topped with chopped (pause) nuts.

 

Man (desperate)


Go one please tell me what else…

 

Waitress


We have a banana split. We take a large firm banana and split it topping with large rounded scoops of ice cream and drizzle it with warm luscious fudge.

 

Man


Is that all…

 

Woman


Goodbye Chuck. (woman leaves)

 

Man


Yeah..um goodbye..please go on.

 

Waitress


We also have a cheesecake.

 

Man


Is it topped with a large sweet peak of whip cream and a cherry?

 

Waitress


Um…no.

 

Man


IS it drizzled with warm succulent raspberry sauce?

 

Waitress (offended)


No

Man


Is it drizzled with hot…sticky…caramel.

 

Waitress


No it’s cheesecake.

 

Man


I want something sweet but it’s not on the menu.

 

Waitress


Listen..I’ve got other tables.

 

Man


So when do you get off work?

 

Waitress


Sorry I’ve got a husband.

 

Man


But you were flirting with me.

 

Waitress


Yeah.

 

Man


So you’re interested right?

 

Waitress


Yeah.

 

Man


In me right?

 

Waitress (leans close and whispers in his ear)


No…in your tip.

 

 

 

 


 

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 Posted: Fri May 27th, 2011 03:45 pm
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2nd Post
RTurco
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Joined: Wed Nov 19th, 2008
Location: New Jersey USA
Posts: 254
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Mana: 
I just read this now and thought it was pretty funny, especially the twist. My only issue is the presence of so many grammatical errors. But that can be easily corrected. Let me know how the reading went.

 

~RTurco

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 Posted: Fri May 27th, 2011 04:14 pm
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Darkja
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Joined: Fri Jan 29th, 2010
Location: Monroe, North Carolina USA
Posts: 89
Status: 
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Mana: 
It was very well received better than I could have hoped. I have another one called "Substitution" being performed on the 3rd and my full length "Of Marital Bliss" will be in staged readings on the 4th and 7th. As for the grammatical errors I must hang my head in shame. That has always been my albatross. I'd write a play about it but it probably would be grammaticaly deviant as well. Since this I have really tried to proof bettter.

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