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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > (Still Life) Talking to Mother at Her Funeral

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 Posted: Wed Jun 15th, 2011 01:05 am
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Mana: 
"Mother died in 1999. This poem was in response to another poem about a mother passing. It just got me thinking a bit about my own."

Yep...Ain't that how it works.

IMR

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 Posted: Wed Jun 15th, 2011 12:33 am
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timmy
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Mana: 
Glad to see your comments. Am at my state meet w/my high school player. He shot 77 today in the practice round (two three putts / no penalties and more importantly...NO doubles).

18 tomorrow & again on Thursday for the tournament. I can't play here, but I think I'm helping him. A top 20 finish is our goal.

Once a golfer, always a golfer. It's like a drug, you know.

timmy

glad you liked the poem. just messing around with my "still life" series.

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 Posted: Wed Jun 15th, 2011 12:28 am
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timmy
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Mana: 
I don't feel the let down you feel, Alan. But I'm glad for your comments. I thought about "essence" for a long while. Perhaps I will think some more.

Mother died in 1999. This poem was in response to another poem about a mother passing. It just got me thinking a bit about my own.

timmy

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 Posted: Tue Jun 14th, 2011 08:03 pm
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Mana: 
timmy,

Brevity at it's finest.

I also hope not recent.

I know your father passed away some years ago.

Whichever...a beautiful poem,

Best,

IMR

P.S. Timmy, you'll like this. Went golfing the other day for the first time in 15 years. (You know I swore off the game.) Brother-in-law talked me into it. Front nine did okay, but had 3 out of bounds shots. Also, dubbed two short shots. But hit well, just a slice on those 3 from not having played. We'll forget about the front nine. But nothing to be embarrassed about considering the time passed. Swing was good. The brother in law accused me of sandbagging. Another friend of his said, "You say you haven't been playing, but you've been playing SOMEWHERE."

Back nine: 4 over. Last five holes: Par par birdie par par.
May go out again tomorrow if it doesn't rain.

Not an overly difficult course, but fun. Just the right for a re-immersion test. Different course tomorrow. Hope it wasn't "re-beginner's luck." Just hope my back holds up. After he leaves town, I might do it again in another 15 years!

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 Posted: Tue Jun 14th, 2011 02:39 pm
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Alan
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Mana: 
Nice.  As usual, you are deft with your line breaks.  Something about the word "essence" gives me a small let-down, though.  Do you feel it?  The title is so important to this one, and very well done.  Autobiographical?  If so, I'm sorry.  Recent?  If so, I'm doubly sorry. 

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 Posted: Tue Jun 14th, 2011 11:21 am
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timmy
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Mana: 
Don't be
alarmed

It's just
me holding
your hand

You know
I can't
carry your
essence

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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > (Still Life) Talking to Mother at Her Funeral Top




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