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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > A promise

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 Posted: Sun Sep 25th, 2011 10:09 pm
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Rosadawn
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Joined: Sun Sep 25th, 2011
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Mana: 
My first time really trying to write a poem. So let me know what I need to work on, please. Thanks!

Pushed to your limits
I guess you figured you had enough
It was a short life you lived
But it was nothing short of tough
You didn't have anything else to give
They took all you had and more
You never questioned them
And wondered, "What am I here for?"

I won't forget the days you confided in me
Those days you made me laugh and I, you
I hoped that you would one day see
That there is something more for you to do
and that because life now sucked
it didn't mean your life was done
Your life was an empty book
Barely on page one

I listened everytime you needed to vent
I prayed that things would improve
I know those people you still resent
I wish it was as easy as a quick move
But things take time
Time you weren't willing to wait
To deal you made your own rhyme
I can't accept that it was your ill awaited fate


What I was doing that day, I still remember
I missed the call with the news
I was with my family having Christmas dinner.
Was I really so blind to all the clues?
When she told me my heart sank
Was this some sort of sick joke?
I just wanted to run and hide
Your sister sent a message saying you had commited suicide
What were the last words you spoke?
I tried to call you but you wouldn't answer


The months after were long
I played the blame game
Who was really in the wrong?
A lot of things will never be the same

I wish you would have said goodbye
When I look at your picture tears come to my eyes
As I think about you I can't help but wonder
What would have happened if you didn't listen to the lies


I will never stop wondering or questioning
But I have stopped blaming
I can't do anything more for you
Other than promise to never forget you
What I can do is try to prevent the same fate for another
Take threates serious
Learn the signs
HOpe to make others curious
Don't make people feel like a bother
I wouln't be able to handle losing another
That I can do

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