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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > the girls of summer

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the girls of summer  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Tue Sep 5th, 2006 06:04 pm
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1077
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Mana: 
poem picked up by my poetry board and will be entered into inter-board competition for the month of October:

 


the girls of summer


i need not search


or the girls of summer,


need not write to them


 


beneath a bright august


moon, rustles of soon


turning maple leaves


voices pitched, laughter


tussling with organ music


from the county fair


 


ferris wheel slightly blue


red yellow orange smooth


hair tumbling, smoother


skin, smoothest hands


 


footsteps tiptoeing 


to quieter avenues,


bathing in orange


yellow blue red

           


i need not search


for the girls of summer


i observe them beneath yellow


moonshine flooding my street,


shadow dancing beneath stars


 


if one looks in 


on me tonight,


she will surely 


darken me 

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 Posted: Sat Sep 9th, 2006 01:43 am
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lostsocks
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Joined: Sun Jun 11th, 2006
Location: Cambridge, United Kingdom
Posts: 226
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Mana: 
:P Ye vagabond

You're the type of poet that poets wished they were

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 Posted: Sat Sep 30th, 2006 09:07 am
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BrianRobertNeal
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Joined: Sat Sep 23rd, 2006
Location: Bishop's Stortford, United Kingdom
Posts: 84
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Mana: 
Hi,

   You've somehow broken out of the random assemblage of usually emotional "bullet points" that characterises a lot of free form blank verse.

A very open poem that leaves the reader room to import their emotions.

(Oh God I've become a Poseur!-Pseuds' corner for you my boy.)

I really should just say-I liked this,

Brian

 

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