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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Tell me

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Potabasil
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I can't sleep
you're on my mind
the way you used
to put your forefinger and thumb
between your lips
when you had something
on your mind

The years have gone by
why did you die?
you had so much on your mind
tell me why

Last edited on Sun Jan 1st, 2012 05:28 pm by Potabasil

timmy
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Your second stanza is exquisite...

"you're" (line 2) :)

"to put" (line 3) :)

Have a great and Happy New Year...

timmy

Potabasil
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Thanks Timmy
corrected

Happy New Year also to you

Potabasil

in media res
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Read this earlier in the day.

100% with timmy.

And Happy New Year to one and all.

IMR



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