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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > to be in the world

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 Posted: Wed May 9th, 2012 10:18 pm
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blackjohnnie
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A man wakes to a brilliant twinkling light. He stares ahead at nothing, inhales and then adjusts his car seat in its upright position. He starts the car, looks behind for traffic, and speeds off. In a coffee shop bathroom, he splashes water on his face and his hair. He lathers his hands in soap and then sticks them under his arms and sighs. In a cluttered and claustrophobic office, he strains to listens to a short, thin, bald Argentinian man but is distracted by the lack of personal photographs, the walls bereft of accomplishment, the candy cane colored tie he is wearing. The Argentinian asks him, “do you mind being spit at, hit, or bitten?” The man pauses, leans in and asks, “For money? I’ve done worse.” In a bar, he borrows a pen and orders another beer. He scribbles lines on a napkin and stares at the words for minutes on end. He lights a cigarette. The bartender yells, “can’t smoke here”. He takes a drag off the cigarette, resting his chin on his bent arm, and exhales and continues to stare at the words written on the napkin for minutes on end. In a classroom, he stands in the doorway wearing red shirt with a logo on the left side of his chest. He watches three similarly dressed men hold down a student who is kicking, beating his head against the floor, and screaming. He watches one of the men punch the student in the kidney. His head rises but he remains in the doorway, silent.

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 Posted: Sun May 13th, 2012 03:41 pm
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JustGoWithIt
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The great selection of detail is what really dragged me into this.

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