The Playwrights Forum Home 
 

SEARCH STAGEPLAYS.COM
THE WORLD'S LARGEST PLAY DATABASE

  STAGEPLAYS BOOKSHOP NEW CYBERPRESS PLAYS PLAYWRIGHTING BOOKS PUBLISH MY PLAY AFFILIATE PROGRAM THE THEATRE BANNER EXCHANGE  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Critique my Play > The Tragedy of Syntyche

* STAGEPLAYS WANTS TO PUBLISH YOUR PLAY *
click here for details

 Moderated by: Paddy, Edd
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
The Tragedy of Syntyche  Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Mon May 28th, 2012 11:13 pm
  PM Quote Reply
1st Post
Allan_West
Member


Joined: Mon May 28th, 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 35
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Thought I might as well post what I've been working on. It's a tragedy about a young rich woman in ancient Greece who is cast out of rich society when she is convicted falsely of adultery.

If anyone has feedback it would be much appreciated!
(Included is Act I, working on Act II at the moment.)

Attachment: The Tragedy of Syntyche.zip (Downloaded 11 times)

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Tue May 29th, 2012 05:49 pm
  PM Quote Reply
2nd Post
Awfly Wee Eli
Member
 

Joined: Thu Jan 12th, 2012
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Posts: 32
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Allan, what a great, epic feel this has! The machinations and deceptions are very intriguing, and I'm excited to read more and see how events unfold.

Unfortunately, the first scene, with the guards, doesn't grab my attention at all. I didn't get into the play until scene 2. I certainly understand the role of the chorus in ancient dramas, but they're pretty out of fashion now, so if you're going to use the guards in that way, you need to make sure there's is a really interesting scene. Think more of the guards' scene in _Hamlet_. We don't just get exposition from that scene. Interesting things happen in it.

I'm also unsure as to why the scene note in some scenes have so much explanation in them. The audience will never see them, so they won't be any help in that regard, and they won't be of much use to a director and cast, either. The dialogue in the Laertes/Adelfo scene lays out why Laertes is there and what he needs from Adelfo; there's no need to summarize it beforehand. Similarly, just saying that Syntyche (is it "Syntyche" or "Sytyche"? You have it written both ways throughout the act) and Casta arrive at merchant's is sufficient; no one is helped by knowing that it is "far away".

Be wary of anachronistic speech. You have a good ear for the loftier, more high-flown language of older plays, but you periodically lapse into modernisms, like "We need to talk" and "It's so boring". Those are likely to throw audiences out of the story.

One last small note: in Scene 4, Laertes says
"I have another friend that Syntyche
Trusts most defiantly."
I'm guessing you meant "definitely" there. I don't normally point out minor mechanical errors, but those are two *very* different words.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Wed May 30th, 2012 03:13 am
  PM Quote Reply
3rd Post
QuixotesGhost
Member
 

Joined: Thu Feb 25th, 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 89
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
I really like it too, you've done an excellent job of defining characters and setting up the conflict. I like a lot of the metaphors, such as Laertes comparing marriage to wine-making.

I agree with Awfly about the first scene. the writing is pretty loose there, it needs tightening. I know they are merely guards, but they speak in a way that isn't particularly interesting and often have a sort of "spongy" quality to their speech, where they meander and use more words than are required. Make the guards more interesting, perhaps make them funnier - it's important that the audience finds them interesting and listens to what they say for they are revealing to the audience the premise. If they are interested in the guards, they are interested in the premise.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Wed May 30th, 2012 03:37 am
  PM Quote Reply
4th Post
Allan_West
Member


Joined: Mon May 28th, 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 35
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Thanks for all the feedback! It is great to hear what I cannot see with my own eyes.

I was fighting over the guards, but I like the fact that they can start as just a chorus then perhaps come into the story later. It's good to get a break from the intense too with their laid-back style.

It is pretty loose all around, but I'm not surprised with one of my first drafts, haha. It's always hard to avoid new-age idioms when dealing with a historical work. And you're right about the 'definitely', I blame spell-check!

Again, thanks for the feedback! If you have works that need a pair of eyes, let me know.

I will try and upload the second act as soon as possible (It's getting close).

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

Current time is 05:39 pm  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Critique my Play > The Tragedy of Syntyche Top




UltraBB 1.17 Copyright © 2007-2011 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1505 seconds (18% database + 82% PHP). 27 queries executed.