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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Christmas in Newtown

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timmy
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So you think I wish
to die slowly around
these children? reliving,
repenting all those
miserable moments
of my life, moments

I would give anything
to stop, to do over,
all those times when
I was lustful, gluttonous,
greedy, slow, wrathful,
envious, superb, lastly
hypocritical and untrue

Not a chance, no thanks,
please, Lord, take me
fast, in one smashing,
crashing, blood
splattering 30 seconds
when the children won't
even have time to cry

Edd
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Stunning, Timothy. Simply stunning.

in media res
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Exactly, edd. Stunning. Painfully stunning. Stop my heart stunning.

IMR

timmy
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Edd:

You've been hiding. Happy Holidays. Hope writing has been good to you.

timmy

timmy
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IMR:

Heard the Gov. of Connecticut say that "evil" had visited Newtown. Tried to picture Adam Lanza as evil (or vice versa).

Have an egg nog or two on me.

timmy

in media res
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timmy,

Actually I am in New Orleans with the brother-in-law and my wife having great food and GREEEEEEAT small batch bourbon for a week. Jacob's Creek is ethereal.

The "evil" happened long before the event. It is called national "denial."

We have more (black) kids killed in Chicago in 5 weeks than happens in (mostly white) Connecticut in a day.

You totally fulfilled the poem's job and your intent beyond compete.

Write about the the mother. Who had a kid with "proclivities." And the guns she made available? She took him to the shooting range. The guns were not locked up?!!!!!

I grew up around guns. They were never locked up. My dad's transgression from the era. But, I never a problem with thems.

Anyway. Bless you for the poem. It said more than all the news reports of the entire coverage about the horrible event. And the political left/right crap about gun control. That is what a poem should do.

Merry Christmas. So sad.

"And to all a good night."

IMR



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