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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Loud Pipes

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 Posted: Sat Dec 29th, 2012 05:53 am
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browneyeko
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Joined: Sat Dec 29th, 2012
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Mana: 
Critique me-
artist.
Paint over it, you modernist.
But the paints just plastics,
is it vital to be sarcastic?

Thanks.
I'm aware
distasteful hair
along with other shambles
Oh! the rambles?

Yes.
Because You remind me
I'm quiet
Silent
But you adjust me,
I'm still here, trust me
around enough to get fussy

My colors.
jeans locked to a t-shirt
Make me stick out like a splinter
Hey, your a winner
I'm all black in the winter
To light my face up. glow.
Too bad i'm that flake you always throw

When am I beautiful?
Mad Clique to ask.
But you seem to think
i'm last
on the long list to do
never stay for a few

Eyes
realize and focus
Your just low cause
no will notice
the tears
when you're broken

But they follow you
Skins stuck to the Vans
You'll walk through

I'm a boy, but I'm a bitch.
You're hands test to see which.
despite my eye twitch.
Use me,
thats the only reason you choose me

you're silent when you kiss me.
But i'm silent to inspect you.
You look at me like a menu

An animal to tend to,
I wish I had the courage to unfriend you
But I'm shocked, how could you?
Let me remind you,
I'm one of a few
That love you

Semi Luna
Vena Cava
frost bitten
Cause you don't wanna

the pulmonary
start working all the arteries
but you'll take the rest of me
carve out those memories

You'll place your head down next to me
assuming it wont get the best of me
But I don't even know what that is
Too busy being selfish
Try looking to the side bitch

I admit I cried
more than enough for it to be alright
but i guess i'm willing to fight
for the fucked up 'thing'
of whatever this is.

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