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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > suspended animation

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suspended animation  Rating:  Rating
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 Posted: Sun Sep 24th, 2006 11:34 pm
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1078
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Mana: 
sometimes, even in my own home,
a need arises to whisper,
& although Emerson would approve,
somewhat transcendental like,
my wife is always accusing me
of talking to myself

i patiently explain how it is
with the early american furniture,
the philosophy & painting books,
the wooden blinds, the picture of fruit:
how the pears seem to move,

how the caged canary
gives me that look of guilt,

how i wish to inquire
about the eloquence
of our bedroom doorknob:

all of these things
I wish to articulate
in a clear voice
to make her understand

instead, i sit quietly on the couch,
my soft voice a mixture
of color, light, and texture

i swear i could make a living thing
out of my china white teacup
if only she would sit still long
enough & look with me upon its life

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 Posted: Mon Sep 25th, 2006 01:23 am
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in media res
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Mana: 
timmy,

Masterly little poem about the condition of any human relationship.

"Why can't they be like me?" That is the human condition.

We are all alone, despite lovers, children, realtives. And you capture the presciousness and pain and understanding without ever talking about it directly. And your poem is not solipsistic, as so many poems of this nature are. Very caring, loving, frustrating, understanding, etc. Or maybe not so? Maybe trying to be caring and loving and understanding. it has different interpretations, which makes for a terrific poem.

Without acceptance of the other, we have no relatonship.

I note that you only use the capital "I" once. Interesting choice. You say "I wish to articulate..."

Al the others are in lower case "i." And when they are there, there is a smaller self. A self that says, "I am humbled."

The artist is alone...in his/her thoughts and feelings.

in media res

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 Posted: Mon Sep 25th, 2006 06:14 am
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BrianRobertNeal
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Joined: Sat Sep 23rd, 2006
Location: Bishop's Stortford, United Kingdom
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Mana: 
Hi,

   Poem reminded me of Simon and Garfs-"Dangling Conversation".

"Couched in our indifferance like shells upon a shore"

Brian.

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