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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > ellipse

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 Posted: Wed Oct 4th, 2006 04:09 pm
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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Mana: 
there are other women
out there i could love

but will never
meet in the places
where i’m going

where i’ve been
has led me to you

& just as certain
words remain unread,
so do i remain lost
in your throat

my fingers reading
your open spine
you touching dark

places between my stars

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 Posted: Wed Oct 4th, 2006 06:04 pm
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Edd
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Mana: 
I usually hate poems with the word "I" in them.  However, this blew me away.  You've packed so much into so short a space.  I felt it.  The hair on my arms felt it.  I recognized it.  I remembered its truth deep within.  Very, very beautiful.  Bravo

What did you write today?

 

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 Posted: Wed Oct 4th, 2006 06:47 pm
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timmy
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Mana: 
thank you, Edd.  

love poems are not usually my forte.  but i keep trying.

timmy 

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 Posted: Thu Oct 5th, 2006 06:53 am
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Willoughby
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Mana: 
This is excellent!  'Fraid I can't offer much in critique, but please keep posting!

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