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Tramp Story  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Wed May 21st, 2014 03:40 am
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RTurco
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Tramp Story

(At rise, a train’s dining car, though it is sparse and without decoration, save for a table and a few chairs around it. On the table , there is a metal tray. The TRAMP enters. He sniffs around for some food. The car is without others. He sits, expecting be served. He demonstrates impatience. He is almost Vaudevillian. A WAITER enters.)

WAITER
Sir?

(No response. The TRAMP gurgles, dislodging something in his throat.)

WAITER
Sir...?

TRAMP
Huh? Oh, yes! I’ll have the lobster Thermidor, the house salad, your soup du jour, and a slice of chocolate mousse cake. Oh and--

WAITER
Sir--

TRAMP
I’d like--

WAITER
Sir--

TRAMP
Not too much--

WAITER
Sir! The dining car is closed.

TRAMP
What?

WAITER
It’s closed.

TRAMP
What is?

WAITER
The dining car.

TRAMP
What’s that?

WAITER
It’s closed.

TRAMP
No. What’s a dining car?

WAITER
Sir? You’re in it.

(The TRAMP looks around, confused.)

TRAMP
So I am. And it’s closed you say?

WAITER
I’m afraid so.

TRAMP
Does that mean my lobster will come undone?

WAITER
One moment, sir.

(The WAITER exits. The TRAMP remains. He is dirty and sniffs himself to assess his stench. He recoils. The WAITER reenters.)

WAITER
I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t stay here. You must vacate the car.

TRAMP
Uh... I don’t understand.

WAITER
The dining car is closed!

TRAMP
Oh! So my soup is late and stuck in a traffic jam.

WAITER
Where’s your ticket sir?

TRAMP
My ticket...? I...

WAITER
If you don’t have a ticket, you’ll have to vacate the train. And mind you, this is a rough area, so be careful. Marauders about, and all.

 (MAN enters.)

MAN
Hello!

WAITER
Good evening sir.

MAN
Did I leave my coat here?

WAITER
I haven’t seen it.

MAN
May I have a look around?

WAITER
Of course!

(MAN goes off.)

WAITER
Your ticket sir.

TRAMP
My what?

WAITER
Ticket, sir, ticket!

TRAMP
My wicket? Are we playing a little game? I confess I’m not quite dressed for sport.

(The TRAMP stands and stretches as if to begin a game of cricket.)

TRAMP
Who bats first?

WAITER
No... Sir... Your ticket.

TRAMP
My ticket? What... why?

WAITER
I need to see if you belong on this train. Show me your ticket.

TRAMP
I ehm... Haven’t got...

WAITER
Haven’t got?

(The TRAMP looks around frantically. He spies something on the opposite side of the car.)

TRAMP
My coat! There it is!

(The TRAMP runs off and returns with a coat. He fishes in its pockets and pulls out a ticket.)

TRAMP
Here!

(He gives it to the WAITER who inspects it.)

WAITER
Thank you. It looks to be in order.

TRAMP
Of course it is.

MAN
(O.S.)
Hey!

(MAN runs on.)

MAN
Hey, that’s my coat!

TRAMP
Are you mad? This one is mine.

MAN
Impossible. It’s exactly the same shade as mine.

TRAMP
Well that means you have impeccable taste sir.

MAN
Give it back.

TRAMP
I don’t know what you’re talking about.

WAITER
Can you prove it’s your coat?

MAN
It has my name in it!

(The TRAMP looks in the coat. He finds a tag.)

TRAMP
“Alfred C. Bogsworth”. That’s me!

WAITER
(To MAN)
What’s your name, sir?

MAN
Alfred Bogsworth.

WAITER
But that’s his name!

TRAMP
Quite a predicament. Ask me a decisive question.

WAITER
What does the “C” stand for?

TRAMP
What?

WAITER
The “C”, what does it stand for?

TRAMP
Ah, I prepared a speech just for this occasion.

(The TRAMP removes a page from his pocket.)

TRAMP
“The sea stands for our love. Undying. Fierce. Immobile. Except for the waves, you know, they go up and down.”

MAN
Give me my damn coat!

TRAMP
You don’t like what I wrote? It was for a cat.

WAITER
Sir... The “C” in your name. What does it stand for? What is your middle name?

(The TRAMP looks on perturbed. His face contorts as if trying to understand the question.)

TRAMP
Name... C... Ocean... Coral Reef!

MAN AND WAITER
What?

TRAMP
My middle name is Coral Reef.

WAITER
Alfred Coral Reef Bogsworth?

MAN
Hideous name.

WAITER
And you? What is yours?

MAN
Alfred Charles Bogsworth.

WAITER
Much better.

TRAMP
Pffft. Yuppie.

WAITER
Do you have identification to prove it?

MAN
It’s in my coat.

TRAMP
You mean my coat?

MAN
Check the right breast pocket.

(The TRAMP does so. He removes a passport.)

TRAMP
Ah! My passport.

MAN
Check the name.

TRAMP
Alfred Bogsworth.

MAN
The whole name.

TRAMP
(Frenetic)
Alfred Coral Reef Bogsworth! I don’t believe it. Thank you everybody. I’m so excited.

WAITER
Let me see that.

(He takes the passport.)

WAITER
Alfred Coral Reef Bogsworth!

TRAMP AND MAN
Really?

WAITER
No. Charles. Alfred Charles, I hereby bestow on thee a rite of safe passage.

MAN
It’s about time.

(TRAMP blows a raspberry. Shooting and shouts resound from off.)

WAITER
Agh! What now?

(WAITER exits. More shouting, closer, and hurried footsteps. A door slams. The WAITER runs on.)

WAITER
We’re under attack!

MAN
What?

WAITER
Bandits. Thieves. They’ve got guns.

MAN
Shit. What do we do?

WAITER
We’re trapped. They’re searching the cars for money.

MAN
They’ll kill us.

TRAMP
Wait! Nobody move. I’m an ordained minister.

WAITER AND MAN
What?

TRAMP
Let us pray.

(The TRAMP motions for the two to kneel and put their hands together in a praying fashion. They seem confused.)

TRAMP
“Dear Lord, we are gathered today to bestow in holy matrimony the way of the cross-- cross-town expressway of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ Superstar. He was a funny lad, picking berries and cream from the wasteland, but he died! He died, he died! And after he was dead, he farted a little, broke wind, and then expired. Some say it was the northerly winds that broke, when the mountains shook, and the fire bellowed, but others say it was from the south! Altogether, not much is known regarding his passing. He died, and the third day, he died again because the lease expired on his very new car. I sometimes ask myself as do my brothers, if my lease will expire too. But then I realize I don’t own a car and don’t really give a shit. Let us recitate! “Our father who makes finger-paintings in Heaven, hallo be thy call. By kingdom come, thy will be consigned upon thy first born, just as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and daily grapes, and daily wine, and daily fresh cheeses. Do not forget to pass the hollandaise sauce. And pass also the sauce to he who makes passes against us. Because why not? There seems be enough to go around. Amen.” And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the anointing with the holy water. Close your eyes. Hold still!

(The TRAMP tip-toes away and grabs the metal sheet from the table. He smashes both the WAITER and the MAN with the sheet. They fall. The TRAMP steals from their pockets, take the MAN’s coat and frolics off.)

(CURTAIN)

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 Posted: Fri May 30th, 2014 12:11 am
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Laphillyboy
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Mana: 
Interesting piece.  It moves along very quickly.  I imagined Charles Chaplin and that big rough actor who always played the cop or the Coal Miner or the Bartender in his films. It has a very anachronistic feel but i imagine that is certainly what yo were going for.  I could almost see the "hand cranked" image and the dialogue cards flipping by.

There is an anarchic absurdism about it - reminds me a bit of Ubi Roi by Alfred Jarry.  Were you consuming laudinum when you wrote this??  LOL.

- Jim C  

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 Posted: Fri May 30th, 2014 02:06 am
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RTurco
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Mana: 
Glad you liked it! Chaplin was certainly an inspiration, Jim, and yes I planned on the Vaudevillian nature of the text and set.

I'd definitely say it's absurdist, not sure about anarchic, though definitely subversive and anti-clerical.

Nonetheless, I appreciate the warm response!

All the best,

RTurco

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 Posted: Fri Jul 11th, 2014 04:59 am
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RoWright
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Mana: 
Funny and yes moving fast from top to bottom. Great pace of exchanging smartass lines :) The ending prayer is puzzling but that's what you are going for. You might as well have a bear on a tricycle entering the stage at that point. Since Laphillyboy compared it a bit to Jarry's work make sure you are ready to have rotten tomatoes thrown at you for such blasphemies :) It will leave the audience with a WTF on their faces and that's healthy.

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 Posted: Mon Jan 19th, 2015 08:54 pm
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Holz
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Mana: 
Pretty funny, I like the fact it requires very little scenery or actors. Moves fast, but funny all the way.
-Holz

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 Posted: Tue Feb 10th, 2015 02:29 am
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jjrasm
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Mana: 
I think you have the start of something quite funny. I would encourage you to consider your diction. There isn't much variation between characters and it feels very modern. Differentiating your characters would greatly improve it. I think you should also consider when your piece takes place. I think slightly revising your diction could improve your play. Also, I think you could have more fun with malaprops in the beginning.

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