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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > woman of the forest

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woman of the forest  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Mon Oct 9th, 2006 11:31 pm
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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Mana: 
Once, a long time ago,
when i thought the world
was mine, i dreamed of you
through fishbowl marbles,
tetras in your eyes—

you broke sticks & carried
them into the night forest,
naked, promised to build
a lean-to, & invited me
to follow with the crook
of your finger

i blinked just once &
you were moist

eventually, only our legs
could be seen as they
passed back & forth

later,

even the heavier
stones gossiped —

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 Posted: Tue Oct 10th, 2006 03:21 am
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in media res
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timmy,

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Too hot. Too hot!" - Leontes in "A Winter's Tale."

Whoa!

Man, "invited me to follow with the crook of your finger." What a great silent, sexy and sensual visual. I could even see her eyes. Forest primeval stuff.

How the heck am I to sleep tonight with those gossiping stones whispering in my ears!


in media res

P.S. I had to look up "tetras." I know them as "neons."

Last edited on Tue Oct 10th, 2006 05:23 pm by in media res

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 Posted: Wed Oct 11th, 2006 01:21 am
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scenedreamer
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Primal. 

Terrific.

sd

 

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