|Consistently depressing. And this is a good thing. I like it. It's real w/a real message. I found it oddly uplifting at the end. A realist knows he's going to die someday…might as well have a clean street to walk to it. Something like that. Besides, nature is doing most of the work anyway. I like the "passing-by" image. Works well with a passing rain, as does "interminable"…nature is like that, isn't it? Almost as fickle as the life of which you speak.
Might want to lead with stanza two. Reason: use of "used to be"…followed by "nothing left to do." Chronologically (logically, even) it makes more sense. Also brings the reader from the abstract to the concrete (setting becomes clearer with the window and the rain as opposed to the philosophical message of stanza two). Not unlike a stage production, poems should also fade from wide to narrow.
Not sure of the multiple rain images. Three in such a short piece is not unlike a hammer to drive in a staple.
Also, I don't have a problem with capitalizing every line (mind you, not every sentence), but when you do write in complete thoughts, they become somewhat of a burden to the reader b/c they are working against conventional punctuation. Not that making the reader work a bit is a bad thing. It's your decision, for sure. These are just thoughts.
Nice poem. Thanks for posting.
Last edited on Fri Dec 19th, 2014 07:16 am by timmy