The Playwrights Forum Home 
 

SEARCH STAGEPLAYS.COM
THE WORLD'S LARGEST PLAY DATABASE

  STAGEPLAYS BOOKSHOP NEW CYBERPRESS PLAYS PLAYWRIGHTING BOOKS PUBLISH MY PLAY AFFILIATE PROGRAM THE THEATRE BANNER EXCHANGE  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Reflections of three in the morning over whiskey

* STAGEPLAYS WANTS TO PUBLISH YOUR PLAY *
click here for details

 Moderated by: Paddy, Edd
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
Reflections of three in the morning over whiskey  Rating:  Rating
AuthorPost
 Posted: Tue Sep 29th, 2015 04:27 am
  PM Quote Reply
1st Post
RTurco
Member


Joined: Wed Nov 19th, 2008
Location: New Jersey USA
Posts: 256
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
My veins are chalk and the VCR is gone,
The affairs of life are unending sand dunes—
Jumbled and pained, like Picasso’s Guernica.
I sharpen my steak knives with regret and
The tire swing where I once played is ivy.
I’ve sent my dreams through the wood chipper.
My eyes are holes of obsidian but dull--
I cannot remember when I was happy.
 
My heart is an ice cave with gates
As tall as church spires to keep hearts out.
I shower cold and think of Mother and Father
Who are gone—once on a marble pedestal.
No longer, now they are simply dead.
How odd it is to have grown so old, so fast.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Tue Sep 29th, 2015 11:34 pm
  PM Quote Reply
2nd Post
in media res
Moderator
 

Joined: Sun Jul 2nd, 2006
Location:  
Posts: 1918
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Turco,

"I’ve sent my dreams through the wood chipper."

"My heart is an ice cave with gates
As tall as church spires to keep hearts out."

"How odd it is to have grown so old, so fast."


WOW! and OUCH!

A stunner.

Best,

IMR

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Wed Sep 30th, 2015 04:32 am
  PM Quote Reply
3rd Post
RTurco
Member


Joined: Wed Nov 19th, 2008
Location: New Jersey USA
Posts: 256
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Thanks IMR! I'll be posting some more, they're part of a poetry course I'm taking at university.

Cheers,

RTurco

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Wed Sep 30th, 2015 05:38 am
  PM Quote Reply
4th Post
in media res
Moderator
 

Joined: Sun Jul 2nd, 2006
Location:  
Posts: 1918
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
From what you've posted, it sounds fantastic.

Thanks for sharing with us.

Best,

IMR

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Tue Oct 6th, 2015 06:42 am
  PM Quote Reply
5th Post
timmy
Member
 

Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1076
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
"I shower cold and think of Mother and Father"

Wonderful image.

Cut the following line…don't overdo it. Let the reader have some imagination on their own.

I might also be tempted to separate the last line into it's own space.

I envy you. I loved my poetry classes.

timmy

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Wed Oct 7th, 2015 04:39 am
  PM Quote Reply
6th Post
RTurco
Member


Joined: Wed Nov 19th, 2008
Location: New Jersey USA
Posts: 256
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Thanks timmy! I like your suggestion.

RTurco

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

Current time is 01:02 pm  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Reflections of three in the morning over whiskey Top




UltraBB 1.17 Copyright © 2007-2011 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1438 seconds (13% database + 87% PHP). 27 queries executed.