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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Peccato il Padre

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 Posted: Thu Nov 19th, 2015 08:41 am
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timmy
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Father would have loved Rome,
the liters of blond pinot, the Sampietrini stones
set in the sand of thin streets,
warm luncheon breads, thick coffee corretto;
he would have loved Assisi, its layered height,
its red-tiled clay roofs; crows gather there in rows
of hunched forms like women in black shawls

It took his whole life for him to catch his breath,
and Florence’s church spires would have reminded him
of how much less he really did have to say
during seventy-nine years

How did it happen, this vanishing?
It was like he stepped behind a stone pillar,
only to reappear, age worn to muttering

Had he lived in Rome, he might have spent
his whole life counting bricks, tallying
stained glass windows of permanent churches

But really, what would have been the point,
he would have died there just as easily

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 Posted: Thu Nov 19th, 2015 09:27 am
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in media res
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timmy,

Tempora mutantur...Tempora mutantur...

Or

“plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose"

Hope you are having a great time.

Might I suggest, if still in Rome...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Museo_Galileo

Best,

IMR

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 Posted: Fri Nov 20th, 2015 09:08 am
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RTurco
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I really like this! It has a dark side to it. Very moving.

I like the line about Florence, and I can imagine this poem very vividly, having lived in Florence for a time.

RTurco

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 Posted: Sun Nov 22nd, 2015 02:55 am
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timmy
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IMR,

Our guide pointed out the Galileo Museum to us...alas, not enough time. Loved the two week trip...Venice, Assisi, Florence, Rome. Beautiful, overcrowded, lots of wine and bread w/every meal.

Security VERY tight on our way home after the Paris attacks. We transferred through Frankfurt. Dogs and soldiers everywhere.

timmy

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 Posted: Sun Nov 22nd, 2015 03:03 am
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timmy
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RTurco,

Thank you. Every city was breathtaking, of course, but something about Florence...exquisitely so.

My father had his "dark side" (as we all do, I think)...glad you picked up on that in the poem.

timmy

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