The Playwrights Forum Home 
 

SEARCH STAGEPLAYS.COM
THE WORLD'S LARGEST PLAY DATABASE

  STAGEPLAYS BOOKSHOP NEW CYBERPRESS PLAYS PLAYWRIGHTING BOOKS PUBLISH MY PLAY AFFILIATE PROGRAM THE THEATRE BANNER EXCHANGE  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Across the Street

* STAGEPLAYS WANTS TO PUBLISH YOUR PLAY *
click here for details

 Moderated by: Paddy, Edd
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
Across the Street  Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Tue Jun 28th, 2016 07:09 am
  PM Quote Reply
1st Post
timmy
Member
 

Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1070
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
My neighbor died last Friday,
an ATV roll-over broke his neck;
he was 32.
Recently a father,
now only a daughter
and a wife are left.

A police woman
was standing in the driveway
after the collision,
after the neighbor
was cold dead,
talking to the wife.
Tears could be seen
from across the street.

And after my own long day,
after hearing the cardinal's song
at dusk, I have decided it is okay
for the world to turn dark
for the night, for most
of us to begin again.

But don’t think we all don’t think
of the uncalled for exceptions.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Tue Jun 28th, 2016 08:09 am
  PM Quote Reply
2nd Post
in media res
Moderator
 

Joined: Sun Jul 2nd, 2006
Location:  
Posts: 1910
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Sorry about the neighbor, timmy. It is very sad.

Had a friend drown when I was 14 from a snowmobile going over thin ice.

This tore my guts out:

"Tears could be seen
from across the street."

I like the visual of "seen" not the audible of "heard."

LOVE the 3rd Stanza. Never heard the sorrow and remorse - but also the reality of survivorship - expressed so eloquently. Just beautiful.


best,

IMR

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Tue Jun 28th, 2016 05:10 pm
  PM Quote Reply
3rd Post
timmy
Member
 

Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1070
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
IMR:

A senseless death like this is terrible. I'm building a new deck in my backyard, adding a hot tub...can't wait for the festivities to begin.

The wife is dressing her daughter to go to her husband's funeral. Life is the shits sometimes.

Glad you like the poem.

timmy

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

Current time is 04:48 am  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Across the Street Top




UltraBB 1.17 Copyright © 2007-2011 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1294 seconds (9% database + 91% PHP). 27 queries executed.