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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > alpha helix

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 Posted: Sun Oct 29th, 2006 10:48 pm
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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Mana: 
there are certain times
when i look at my eldest
son, he of mother pool

infrequent tears
growing, aging
her DNA, her salt

his quiet man becoming
voice deeply imprinted

& i think to myself
there must be some
explicit reason for me

to know why my own
father will soon collapse
in a heap of ashes--

to know how long it will take
before this reason, rising
from curt shadows like
the policeman of time
stands down my hallway,
soft calling my name,
waiting with a whistle--

& me
doing
my best
to ignore him

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 Posted: Mon Oct 30th, 2006 12:43 am
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scenedreamer
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Mana: 
Profound.

sd

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 Posted: Mon Oct 30th, 2006 02:56 pm
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in media res
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Mana: 
Painfully aware and lovely, timmy. You capture it perfectly.

It is rare that I see poems that are written by men about sons AND fathers in the same poem.

in media res

P.S. You even write aobut the wife! And we know it implies a larger family because it is the "eldest" son. Always so much in your poems beyond and deeper than the words.

And I love the cop whistling! What am image.

Last edited on Mon Oct 30th, 2006 02:58 pm by in media res

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