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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > a good day to die

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 Posted: Sat Aug 5th, 2006 05:17 pm
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timmy
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Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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Mana: 
kate:

...my mother's life was a medical hell for the last two years of her life. the day she died was a good day for her. a harder day for the rest of my family, but a good day, depending on one's perspective...

thanks much for your interest and comments

timmy

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 Posted: Sat Aug 5th, 2006 08:28 am
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Kate
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Mana: 
This transported me. Your use of the senses is so evocative.  I had to read over and over the third stanza:

by sunday she couldn’t see
me anymore; it was raining
and i watched my words,
pale as newsprint, running
together. being no longer
useful, i threw them away


It really touched me.  Fantastic.  Poignant.  Totally charged.

What I wasn't too sure about was the title (why was it a good day? - I've probably missed something here, though).  Simon Armitage - a British poet - said that a title must earn its place.  I think yours links with the last line? Again - I'm sure I've missed something that someone else can clarify.  x 

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 Posted: Fri Aug 4th, 2006 11:28 pm
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leon
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Mana: 
beautiful flow.  but most of it went ZOOM over my head.

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 Posted: Fri Aug 4th, 2006 06:09 pm
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Paddy
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Mana: 
timmy.

 

This is sweet and tender and beautiful.  Your Mother?

I think...your meaning is so clear, that the title bothers me.

And that's a good thing.

Paddy

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 Posted: Fri Aug 4th, 2006 05:48 pm
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CoreUpted
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heghlu'meh qaq jajvam!

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 Posted: Sat Jun 17th, 2006 11:04 pm
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timmy
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(i)
is more than wood
burning, is more
than living beyond
the chippewa river
where drums beat,
where letters written
to life long friends
cross water as softly
as skin beneath
a young girl's wrist

(ii)
on friday i wanted her
to be kneaded into bread,
set near a warm window
sill with a damp towel,
allowing her to rise
and feed me once more

(iii)
by sunday she couldn’t see
me anymore; it was raining
and i watched my words,
pale as newsprint, running
together. being no longer
useful, i threw them away

(iv)
a blue carnation,
white chrysanthemums
myself withering in place
of last rites, until finally,
a well deserved day off

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