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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Doing Dishes

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Doing Dishes  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Fri Jan 26th, 2018 08:28 pm
   
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John Holland
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Doing Dishes.

I had made the usual meal,
the Saturday one of our own
organic free-range chicken
out of the freezer
and into the oven.
The exquisite taste of fresh chard,
the potatoes newly dug.
Gravy.
I enjoyed it almost as much
as when we ate together.
I went for the evening walk
through ankle-deep leaves,
the late-night birds tumbling
through leafless trees.
The dark, still pond.
Came back to the house
and did a most unusual thing:
the dishes.
When you were away for a few days,
a week,
I would leave them right there
then do them all in a flurry
of enthusiasms
before you arrived.
But now that you're not coming back
something about them had changed:
they posed, it seemed, some kind of threat,
as though leaving them might be
the thin end of a wedge,
a slow sinking a bent heart might be prone to,
the Fall to Sloth
followed by the Spiral into Slovenliness.
Next thing I would not bathe, shave.
Then the Bottle.
I did not think this. More visual -
entering the retina from the mind.
A message from one of the many futures
you left behind.

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 Posted: Sat Jan 27th, 2018 12:01 am
   
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in media res
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I loved this.

The title alone just grabbed me. Who'd a thunk a poem about doing
such a universal, habitual, necessary activity?


"I would leave them right there
then do them all in a flurry
of enthusiasms
before you arrived."

Every man knows this. Maybe every woman. Every couple.


"But now that you're not coming back"

Ugh! Ouch. A swift, unforseen kick to my heart.

But, is it a death or breakup?

It matters not. Brilliant. We do not need to know. A sudden sense
of abandonment. Loneliness. Desolation. The jar is empty.


"I did not think this. More visual -
entering the retina from the mind."

Brilliant.

"A message from one of the many futures
you left behind."

Thank you.

(I think I am going to have to have a drink tonight.)


Best,

IMR

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 Posted: Mon Jan 29th, 2018 02:38 am
   
3rd Post
Paddy
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario Canada
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Beautiful.

I do not need to know if she died or left you...I can hear the heart cracking and the leaves falling to the ground, before they'd had time to change.

Paddy

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 Posted: Mon Jan 29th, 2018 02:53 am
   
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Edd
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WOW! Just WOW.

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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Doing Dishes Top




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