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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Truth isn't always True

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 Posted: Mon Aug 27th, 2018 01:19 am
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1072
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Mana: 
You think it must be only you,
alone here in the hotel bar
during the sweet, slow hour
of eleven pm, watching her
in the mirror behind the bottles

she is revealing, looking & looking
so you will not forget; one finger tracing
along her left breast, the tip of her tongue
flicking in and out like a metronome—
all this thinking about meaning is dizzying

Then you see it’s not just you;
doubles are there, in the glass,
all six of you, at separate stools,
all wearing the same fancy collar,
power ballad playing in the background

So long, Johnny Cash, the lyrics
aren’t lying: people do drink
and do foolish things. As you tip

and leave, you want to think
she’s disappointed, but you decide
you’re living in another shrinking
universe of sexual junk but you check
your pocket for the room key anyway

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 Posted: Fri Oct 26th, 2018 06:31 pm
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in media res
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Joined: Sun Jul 2nd, 2006
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timmy,

Wonderful atmosphere. Mood.

Been there many times in my many travels for work.

It instantly elicits/rekindles/stimulates/personalizes many more visuals and sounds and smells and FEELINGS than you mention. One major sign of a really good poem.

I can smell the soft scent of my Scotch on the rocks.

Thanks,

IMR



COMMENT ON "NOT THE BEST OF FRIENDS" BELOW

timmy,

That's the way life is.

Beautifully and painfully captured.

To say, "I'm leaving" is bad - more than enough to hear.

To also say on your 50th Anniversary, "I've found somebody new" is a sucker punch to the soul.

"almost a look of grace

upon her face"

UGH!

Best,

IMR

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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Truth isn't always True Top




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