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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Gong fu

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Gong fu  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Mon Nov 27th, 2006 05:27 pm
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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Mana: 
under foreign tea leaves

we lie, far from light

 

wrapped in dragon pearls,

Jade spring, Phoenix eyes

 

We experience withering

become less brittle

with each other

in passing hours

 

one house, one room

wrapped in aroma

 

noses of our existence

touching green coasts

of China, black smells

of Sri Lanka & India

 

sometimes, even during

the dead of night, while

the children sleep, we

awaken and brew tea

 

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 Posted: Mon Nov 27th, 2006 10:29 pm
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scenedreamer
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Mana: 
One of your best.  Terrific images and good cohesion.  Most important, it was a pleasure to read.

sd

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 Posted: Tue Nov 28th, 2006 04:19 am
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Edd
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Mana: 
timmy,

Once again I have no idea what you're talking about, but I liked it.  It felt gentle and I felt love.  One doesn't need to know French to enjoy the sound of the language. 

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