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A Tangled Web  Rating:  Rating
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 Posted: Tue Jan 2nd, 2007 01:17 pm
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BrianRobertNeal
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A Tangled Web.


It started harmlessly enough, the old writer’s competition scam, small prizes, modest entry fee and the promise of Publication. The latter was not guaranteed.

 

From small beginnings the scam became exceptionally profitable. I found the optimum level was £10 entry fee plus £10 handling charge. Prizes were, £500, £250 and £150, I would always send five of the punters their cheque back informing them that they had been commended. I used to get about 250-300 entrants. And unlike some competitions there were winners who got paid out!


Then I was contacted by a chap who I at that time nicknamed Peter the Publisher. He was quite frank, he published five literary magazines covering poetry, short stories, and such stuff however to fund his hobby he also published a number of “mucky magazines”.

 

Would I like to join the editorial team of “Perusing Poetry” a quarterly mag aimed at a mid-brow audience. It was on line collated and edited, all I had to do was provide articles and the competition winners. I readily agreed, and sent as requested a full CV and a range of photos.


Peter the Publisher had his annual Xmas bash, which this year was held at the Gherkin. He drew me to one side, “Now I think there could be scope for a regular feature where Authors could meet up with Agents, what do you think?

 

I thought it was a brilliant idea.

 

“Right, in January I’d like you to provide me with details of 10 authors and I’ll whittle them down to 5. So get a CV and photo of each of them, my readership is drawn from middle aged and elderly women so I only want women between 30-50 ok. But they don’t have to be beautiful in fact it’s best if they’re not. I would say they should be no more or less attractive than you are.


So I sent a list, and then was told that I should make arrangements for the five that he’d nominated to come to London all expenses paid and lunch at the Medallo Hotel.

They would come on separate days and I would meet them at the Station of their choice and escort them to the Medallo where I would meet up with the Agent. After lunch the three of us would go to a conference room and once the preliminaries were over, I  would leave the two of them to talk business.


This went on for about six months and was proving very profitable as I received a healthy introduction fee plus expenses. Then Peter asked me to meet him and an Agent at the Medallo.


“I’ll come to the point; I ought to let you know that you have been procuring women for immoral purposes.”


I laughed, I thought he was being figurative, but he wasn’t, he continued, “You see he’s not a literary agent, none of them are, this one’s an Oxbridge Undergrad who’s paying his fees by doing a bit of porno work.”


My blood froze, he continued, “A small amount of will loosening drugs in the coffee and it all falls into place. Most of the women are absolutely enchanted and find it a very enjoyable experience, those that don’t, I burst in and punch the young man and offer my sincere apologies, saying it must have been the drink, so far it’s all gone smoothly. The suite is set up as a most sophisticated covert recording studio”.


I finally plucked up enough courage to ask Peter the Pornographer, “So why are you bloody well telling me, I need never have known?”


“It’s like this we’ve over 100k punters world wide who want to see you in action.


I’d had enough, “That’s it I’m going”


“Don’t worry; I’ll not stop you however, read this.” Peter handed me an article, it was to be in next month’s “Perusing Poetry”. It described how Peter had found out that I’d been swindling the clients and procuring middle aged women for immoral purposes.


He broke the silence, “On the other hand, there’s £10k in a Swiss Bank Account, here’s the account name and the password. You’ll be on 10% royalties and they sell at £10 a DVD. And if it is easier for you it will be “Girl on Girl”.


I had no choice, it suddenly struck me that this was the first time that I had seen Peter at the Medallo. But I would have been on Video for every filming. I was snookered so I shrugged my shoulders and agreed “OK girl on girl it is.”


He exclaimed, “Oh good I’ve always found you attractive” and quickly revealed that I should have called her Peta.


I’m not basically a wicked person, but I got drawn in and then became as firmly stuck to this skein of evil, as did my hapless victims.

 

However he, who laughs last, laughs longest. You should have seen Peta’s face when she found out I was a transvestite.

(The Gherkin-Nickname for A London Office block. The Medallo-A fictitious London Hotel.)

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 Posted: Fri Jan 12th, 2007 11:35 am
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BrianRobertNeal
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Have had a computer crash, new computer and am using this as entry as a means of getting a link on my new E-Mail listing

If you find us-Whatto BubBleS.

 

Brian

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 Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 09:38 pm
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BrianRobertNeal
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An aside,

              I wander between 3 web-sites and I don't think I've written anything that has had the same response from all three. This one went down quite well elsewhere but here it never got a single crit, not even one saying, "Crap"

You're obviously too polite, so chin stuck out, what's wrong with it.

Brian.

Last edited on Sat Feb 17th, 2007 09:39 pm by BrianRobertNeal

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 Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 04:27 am
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in media res
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Personally, I think you are bullshitting us.

Secondly, if you are not, you are an unknowing/then knowing complicit scumbag.

And thirdly, if you are not bullshitting us, and if it were me, I would be at my police station/FBI/Scotland Yard with an attorney right quick turning the other scumbag in.

Otherwise, what a great little mystery story about scumbags! Beats Agath Christie! I think you have a screenplay here!

As I always say, "Caveat Emptor - Let the Buyer Beware!"

So, what is the real story?

best/worst

in media res

Last edited on Sun Feb 18th, 2007 04:29 am by in media res

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 Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 08:09 am
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muncy
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Hi Brian

I read this when you first posted it. I often don't comment because I don't feel I have anything constructive to say but thinking about that, I realise that it is being selfish because, when I post something, I long for someone to say something, anything, about the piece.

You seem to have in media res fooled as to the authenticity of the story (or is he pulling our legs?)

I find it a little too fantastic to be done straight, I think it would work best as a dark comedy. Also I find the images a bit complex. If this was on the radio as I was driving the car, cooking etc., I think I would get lost. Having said that, I do like the narrative style so it might work as a narrated film with images that support the story.

There. A crit after all!

Best wishes,

David



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 Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 01:11 pm
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Muncy,

YOU ARE CORRECT. HE GOT ME!

Which is great! I LOVE BEING GOTCHYAD! But looking at the time of the post, it was late at night after a looooong day and I did a quick check of the Forum before collapsing in bed.

Anyway, then it IS a neat idea. And in the character's choices of what to do, he may find no one believes his fantastical story.

In fact it is so unique ONLY a criminal could have thought it up! Remember, lawas are passed to keep honest people honest. Only criminals minds find ways to circumvent! Which makes them such great characters in fiction.

So, Brian RobertNeal, go after it!

The transvestite part might be too hard for me to buy, but why not try it and see? Still see it as a movie.

best (in the now light of day 8:10 am!)

in media res

Last edited on Sun Feb 18th, 2007 04:07 pm by in media res

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 Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 02:27 pm
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BrianRobertNeal
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Hi IMR,

"I would be at my police station/FBI/Scotland Yard with an attorney right quick turning the other scumbag in."

What, I got £10k and £1 a video and that Peta's a fantastic Shag. We're planning a series!

BRN


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 Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 02:29 pm
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BrianRobertNeal
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Hi Muncy,

             "I find it a little too fantastic to be done straight,"  I'm doing it Peta's favourite way, tongue in cheek,

Bri.

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 Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 02:35 pm
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BrianRobertNeal
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Hi IMR 2,

             This started out as a pop at the sharks who feed off "would be writers". Winning competutions; no matter how valueless; and getting "published is the great lure, however it just grew and grew.

Sometimes my humour is a little too deadpan and obscure for its own good, thanks for your time and comments,

Brian.

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