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 Posted: Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 06:29 pm
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spiny norman

Joined: Fri Jul 21st, 2006
Posts: 218
here is an actual email i got this morning (well, the gist of it, anyway).

dear playwright:

we hope you enjoy our new concept for our rejection of your work:  good news/bad news.  unfortunately, the good news is all ours & the bad news is all yours.

thank you for following up on the script we requested from you months & months ago.  if you hadn't contacted us, we never would have gotten in touch with you but now i suppose we have to.

we enjoyed reading your script but our reading/workshop/production program has run out of money so we can't do anything with it.

however, so you don't feel so bad, we'll tell you how excited we are that someone else's script that we worked on recently had a full production on the main stage!  and not only that, another script by somebody else may soon get a full production!  doesn't that make you feel so much better that your script isn't going anywhere???

we thought so.  you're welcome.

let me add that you can rest assured that we're going to keep your script "on file" despite the fact that you paid money to include a sase.  if we ever get any more funding for this program, we'll have forgotten all about your play so ha ha on you!

to rub salt in your open. gaping wound, we ask that you please keep us informed of any readings, workshops or productions of your work that anyone else does.  why?  we have no idea.  it's not like we're going to do anything once we know.  it just seemed like a nice way to end this letter.

keep writing!

marquis de sade, director of "new play development"

(a program that apparently doesn't exist any more although you'd never know it from our website which is still soliciting new scripts so maybe it's not that we don't have the funding but we're just rejecting your play but you'll never know which, will you)

Last edited on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 07:52 pm by spiny norman

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 Posted: Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 08:13 pm
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Joined: Sun Dec 31st, 2006
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 331
Dear marquis de sade, director of new play development,

Thank you for your letter of March 22nd.

After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a contract to perform my play.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite your organisation's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting scripts, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate rehearsals at your theatre immediately following the selection of suitable actors. I look forward to working with you.

Best of luck in rejecting future scripts.


(the above nicked off

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