Wanted to read your play because of the intriguing title and synopsis, but when I downloaded it the format was very cumbersome (although not gibberish, as is sometimes the case) and I couldn't figure out how to make it easily readable. Any suggestions? Thanks,
I really like "Dead Cat's Bounce" -- and what a great title. The characters are distinct, yet even Carl is related to them thematically, and the situation is very playable. Your diction, for the most part, is quite good, too. It sounds like a play. The only problem I had -- and I'm a book editor, not a theater critic, so grab the salt -- is that it seemed to get a bit unwieldy. If you were an author I was working with, I'd suggest you go back through and pare it down, do some whittling. Nothing major, no slash-and-burn or hack-hack-hack. Just some overall tightening to sharpen the focus, or, because it's a play, the conflict. Make every word count and work for you.
For instance, very early James says: "Perhaps-and this is the best justification I can offer-perhaps she was about to say something pithy, something mitigating, something trite and unworthy of her brilliant mind. ... "
I see a problem with that quartet of adjectives. "Pithy" doesn't belong. "Pithy" is a very desirable quality, one we should strive for -- it means cogent, precisely meaningful, etc. Whereas "trite and unworthy" have negative connotations. By deleting "something pithy" you'd tighten your meaning and help to sharpen the overall focus. Little fixes like that would, I think, get rid of the slight unwieldiness and make this an excellent play.
Hope this has been at all helpful.
Last edited on Thu Aug 30th, 2007 05:17 pm by kris
Thanks so much for your comments. I truly appreciate them!
No, I've not yet posted any of my work here. I'm new to the forum and am still testing the waters--unlike you, who bravely dived right in. Plus, I'm much better at giving advice than taking it. But I'd be happy to email you something and would love to get your reaction.