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 Posted: Mon Aug 27th, 2007 12:48 am
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edgewatercat
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A father, home from the hospital with a supply of morphine, has just enough time to cautiously interact with a family on the edge.




Hi-- taking this offline for some revisions. Thanks, all!

Last edited on Tue Sep 4th, 2007 03:28 am by edgewatercat

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 Posted: Mon Aug 27th, 2007 06:11 pm
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kris
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Hi,

Wanted to read your play because of the intriguing title and synopsis, but when I downloaded it the format was very cumbersome (although not gibberish, as is sometimes the case) and I couldn't figure out how to make it easily readable. Any suggestions? Thanks,

Kris

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 Posted: Mon Aug 27th, 2007 08:44 pm
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DWolfman
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Kris,

What I did was copied and pasted it into WORD.  It's much more readable that way.  Will have to read it a couple of more times, however, before I feel right about responding to it.

 

-DW-

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 Posted: Mon Aug 27th, 2007 11:43 pm
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kris
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Thanks, DW. That worked like a charm. Wish I'd thought of that!

Kris

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 Posted: Tue Aug 28th, 2007 01:32 am
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edgewatercat
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Thanks for all the effort. This was my first post, so not sure I did it right. Is there a better way to attach a file? A different program?

Thank you, again.

Last edited on Tue Aug 28th, 2007 01:50 am by edgewatercat

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 Posted: Wed Aug 29th, 2007 03:37 am
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in media res
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edgewatercat,

Usually a ten to fifteen page posting is about max here. Not that on occasion we do not critique longer pieces, even full length plays, but just so you know.

You can just "copy and paste" here.

Best to post short plays or first parts of plays.

Welcome to you, a fellow Chicagoan. You up around Hollywood and Sheridan?

You can post them right to the Forum. Look around the Forum postings and you will see.

Best.

in media res

Last edited on Wed Aug 29th, 2007 03:47 am by in media res

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 Posted: Thu Aug 30th, 2007 02:26 am
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edgewatercat
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Hi, in media res.

You got the neighborhood dead-on! Great to have a fellow Chi-towner on line.

Thanks for the posting tips.

Edgewatercat 

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 Posted: Thu Aug 30th, 2007 05:15 pm
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kris
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Hi, Edgewatercat,

I really like "Dead Cat's Bounce" -- and what a great title. The characters are distinct, yet even Carl is related to them thematically, and the situation is very playable. Your diction, for the most part, is quite good, too. It sounds like a play. The only problem I had -- and I'm a book editor, not a theater critic, so grab the salt -- is that it seemed to get a bit unwieldy.  If you were an author I was working with, I'd suggest you go back through and pare it down, do some whittling. Nothing major, no slash-and-burn or hack-hack-hack. Just some overall tightening to sharpen the focus, or, because it's a play, the conflict. Make every word count and work for you.

For instance, very early James says:  "Perhaps-and this is the best justification I can offer-perhaps she was about to say something pithy, something mitigating, something trite and unworthy of her brilliant mind. ... "

I see a problem with that quartet of adjectives. "Pithy" doesn't belong. "Pithy" is a very desirable quality, one we should strive for -- it means cogent, precisely meaningful, etc. Whereas "trite and unworthy" have negative connotations. By deleting "something pithy" you'd tighten your meaning and help to sharpen the overall focus. Little fixes like that would, I think, get rid of the slight unwieldiness and make this an excellent play.


Hope this has been at all helpful.


Kris



 

Last edited on Thu Aug 30th, 2007 05:17 pm by kris

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 Posted: Fri Aug 31st, 2007 04:00 am
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edgewatercat
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Hi, Kris.

Wow! This is exactly the kind of "pithy" feedback I hoped to find in this forum. Thank you for taking time to help me with my play.  

I've read some of your other posts and it's clear that you are a cracker-jack editor. Plus, an added bonus, your comments are fun to read. “Quartet of adjectives” is a delightful phrase.

I would love to read some of your work. Do you have a play or poem posted here?

All the very best,


Edgewatercat

Last edited on Fri Aug 31st, 2007 04:03 am by edgewatercat

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 Posted: Fri Aug 31st, 2007 05:25 am
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kris
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Hi, Edgewatercat,

Thanks so much for your comments. I truly appreciate them!

No, I've not yet posted any of my work here. I'm new to the forum and am still testing the waters--unlike you, who bravely dived right in. Plus, I'm much better at giving advice than taking it. But I'd be happy to email you something and would love to get your reaction.


Kris

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 Posted: Fri Aug 31st, 2007 05:54 am
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edgewatercat
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I understand your hesitation. I really had to think hard before posting. Reading some of the comments posted by others helped. Seems like a thoughtful group.

I would be thrilled to see some of your work.

Looking forward to a good read!

Edgewatercat

Last edited on Fri Aug 31st, 2007 04:03 pm by edgewatercat

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 Posted: Fri Aug 31st, 2007 02:24 pm
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kris
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Hi, Edgewatercat,
 
I'll send you something later today. I'm off to feed the menagerie.

Kris

Last edited on Fri Aug 31st, 2007 02:25 pm by kris

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