View single post by Moonmi
 Posted: Wed Sep 16th, 2009 11:44 pm
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Moonmi



Joined: Fri Jun 5th, 2009
Location: Illinois USA
Posts: 32
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Mana: 
Media,

I had to go back and see how old Mrs E was from your description after I read it.

She felt much older, which made the voyeurism all that more surprising when I came to it.

I like the idea of making the feel of the neighborhood more ethnic.  Living in Chicago as you apparently do there are dozens of neighborhoods like this with people who care about each other.  It's one of the reasons I love this city.

If you add to this with other pieces, the ethinicity could be drawn thru other characters.

I agree that the four years seems a bit long for the bowl bit.

Giving the brooch was a beautiful touch.  Maybe she could have trouble putting it on and he would have to help her, forshadowing the kiss with the closeness of the moment.

 

A very nice piece of writing