View single post by Corerro
 Posted: Thu Oct 1st, 2009 06:36 pm
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Corerro



Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 80
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Mana: 
What a nice little breath of life. I was touched by the "stay away from bad people".... Simple, but really the best advice someone could give a person.

Mrs. E does seem to carry a little more age as I think someone else mentioned.

The chemistry between them is very nice, though... Joe goes from being that 16 year old boy to a young man.

I'd look at the details of how well these people actually know each other. There was a little uncertainty for me with how familiar Mrs. E was with his mother. I didn't get a real sense of how well she knew his parents partially because she doesn't really seem to know when she gave him the bowl (if it was someone who she knew and had a relationship with this sort of thing my stick in your mind... especially if you've been praying for her orphaned son)...

Could you endow the necklace with more significance? Even if only Mrs. E knew how special that necklace was to his mother, you could establish how big a deal it is that she's getting it and how connected to his past she really is. Merely an idea.

I share the view of some others who posted.. This could be a whole play. I'd be so curious to see who'd get what possessions.

Great work.