View single post by Kate
 Posted: Tue Aug 15th, 2006 08:38 am
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Kate

 

Joined: Thu Aug 3rd, 2006
Location: Chichester, United Kingdom
Posts: 59
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Mana: 
Boz2 - I found it very refreshing that you've broken out of the interior restaurant and moved to the great outdoors: it's so much more interesting - and gives the characters a new dimension while they're peering at the Orang Utans.  And the Orang Utans themselves give an opportunity to reflect the couple's own relationship.  Is it really a good relationship? (Why do they seem to have to spice it up by meeting as though strangers?)  Are two Orang Utans fighting?  Is the male dominant?  Does the female spurn the male's advances?  Are they having a crap?  Scratching?  They could start off cute, then something not so nice happens in the cage?

Sorry - getting carried away.  Keep working on this - it'll make a good short piece.  It needs changes of pace now, perhaps - a vibrancy that I know you can do.  And I would say think very carefully about the mood of each character (which they can hide) and what each one wants, etc.

Kate x