View single post by Darkja
 Posted: Thu Aug 5th, 2010 02:01 pm
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Darkja



Joined: Fri Jan 29th, 2010
Location: Monroe, North Carolina USA
Posts: 89
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Mana: 
Having caused much disrutpion and dismay with opinions of people re-writing my piece I submit this with much trepidation. The piece which caused so much of anger (or actually it was a statement\request I made) "The Last Time" was present at "Just Do It" and was very well received. It planted the seed of an idea to create a play that is a series of brief vinettes showing common marital situations. The first, which is not quite complete, involves their adventures in a parking lot. Please let me know what you think (what was funny, what didn't work, etc.)

 

Darkja

 

Parking Lot


By Todd Ford


© 2010


 


At Rise: Harold and Katherine sit in two chairs. Their hand motions, sound effects, whatever you wish indicate they are in a car. Occasionally Katherine points to a place Harold stops Katherine shakes her head no and they continue. This happens several time Harold growing angrier with each stop. He finally slams on his brakes and stops completely.

 

Katherine


Harold?

 

Harold


Yes, Katherine?

 

Katherine


We’re stopped dear.

 

Harold


I know.

 

Katherine


Well we’re not going to find a parking place if we’re stopped.

 

Harold


We weren’t going to find one if we were moving either.

 

Katherine


Of course we would.

 

Harold


We’ve been driving for twenty minutes.

 

Katherine


I’m just looking for a good spot but if you want to park just anywhere go ahead.

 

(Harold starts to pull into a parking place)


 


Katherine (yelling)


STOP!

 

Harold


What? You said I could park wherever I want.

 

Katherine


You can it just…uhm…could wherever you want be in the shade?

 

Harold


What?

 

Katherine


Well if you park there it will be in the sun and then the car will get all hot.

 

Harold


We have air conditioning.

 

Katherine


The air conditioning will make me cold.

 

Harold


Enough. You said I could park wherever I want. This is where I want.

 

Katherine


Now you’re just being unreasonable.

 

Harold


I’m being unreasonable.

 

Katherine


I’m glad you can admit it.

 

Harold


I’m being unreasonable. We’ve passes ten open spot and I’m being unreasonable.

 

Katherine


But none of them were good spots.

 

Harold


What was wrong with the first one? It was right next to the store.

 

Katherine


It had a shopping cart near it.

 

Harold


It was four rows away.

 

Katherine


It could have blown into the car.

 

Harold


By what gale force winds?

 

 

Katherine


It could happen.

 

Harold


Enough, I don’t want to argue. (he drives). Here we go the perfect spot.

 

Katherine


It’s awfully far away.

 

Harold


We can walk Katherine. We could use the walk.

 

Katherine (suddenly angry)


What did you just say?

 

Harold


I said we could use the walk.

 

Katherine


What’s that supposed to mean Harold?

 

Harold (a little scared)


That we could use the exercise?

 

Katherine


Why Harold? Why could we use the exercise? Are you calling me fat?

 

Harold


No. No, of course not. I meant I. I could use the exercise.

 

Katherine


No, Harold, you didn’t mean I. You said we. You distinctly said we.

 

Harold


How ‘bout I drop you off at the front.

 

Katherine


What? You don’t think I could make it. You think my fat ass may pass out on the way?

 

Harold


No it’s just (realizing its hopeless) You know what? You’re right. This is an awful parking place. I can’t believe I even suggested parking here.

 

(Harold drive for a bit)


 


 


Harold


How about here? This is a perfect parking place.

 

Katherine


Yeah, it’s good but…

 

Harold


But?

 

Katherine


There’s a better one over there now. Why don’t you go there?

 

Harold


Because I’m already here that it only space closer.

 

Katherine


Which makes it close to the store.

 

Harold


But it’s a one way row I’ll have to drive all the way around.

 

Katherine


I think it’s worth it.

 

Harold


But it will take longer to do that than to walk to the store.

 

Katherine


Harold, are you calling me fat again?

 

Harold (resigned)


No.

 

(Harold drives)


 


Harold (angry)


Now both spaces are gone.

 

Katherine


Well I guess you weren’t fast enough.

 

Harold (angry)


Are you seriously inferring this is my fault?

 

Katherine


You’re the one driving.

Harold


You told me to change spaces.

 

Katherine


You didn’t have to listen to me.

 

Harold


You were demanding not asking.

 

Katherine


You have free will.

 

Harold


You know what why don’t I just circle the lot a few times and pick you up when you’re done?

 

Katherine


Typical you never want to spend time with me.

 

Harold


I think I’ve spent quite enough time with you lately.

 

Katherine


What exactly is that supposed to mean?

 

Harold


Katherine, we’ve been in this car for nearly an hour now. Circling a parking lot. Doesn’t that seem a little crazy to you.

 

Katherine


Well I’m just protecting my investment. You know a car is your second biggest investment next to your house.

 

Harold


What Katherine? What exactly are you protecting it from?

 

Katherine


Shopping carts, car doors, heat, bird poo. I’m just doing just doing what any rational person would do to make sure their vehicle stays in good shape.

 

Harold


No your not. Changing the oil, washing the car, watching where you are going that’s what a rational person does to keep their car in good shape.

 

 


 


Katherine


I knew it. I knew you bring up the oil thing again. How was I supposed to know to change the oil?

 

Harold


You had driven the car three thousand miles past when the sticker said.

 

Katherine


Those stickers are merely suggestions.

 

Harold


No they’re not. They’re there so you will change the god damn oil.

 

Katherine


Nobody looks at those things.

 

Harold


And when the light came on.

 

Katherine


I thought it was like the gas light you could ride with it on for a while.

 

Harold


It’s a warning light when it comes on you pay attention to it.

 

Katherine


Well you ignore danger all the time.

 

Harold


No, I don’t.

 

Katherine


Yes, you do.

 

Harold


When. When have I ever ignored danger?

 

Katherine


Here. In this parking lot.

 

Harold


There is no danger in this parking lot.

 

Katherine


There is you just don’t see it. It’s everywhere. Take that space for instance.

 

Harold


That one over there it seems like a prime parking place. Its close to the store, no shopping carts, it’s in the shade.

 

Katherine


Harold you’re missing the bigger picture. IT’S UNDER A TREE.

 

Harold


That sapling. So what it offers at least a little shade.

 

Katherine


Sure it offer shade now but if a rain storm comes up. Lighting strikes. Bam no more car.

 

Harold


Fine I know the perfect place the safest place.

 

(Harold drives)


 


Katherine


It’s not near shopping car is it?

 

Harold


Nope.

 

Katherine


I hope it’s close to the store.

 

Harold


Oh it’s the closest.

 

(Harold stops the car)


 


Katherine


But Harold this is a handicap space neither of us it handicapped.

 

Harold


That’s a matter of opinion.

 

(Harold leaves the car)