View single post by playfull
 Posted: Wed May 29th, 2013 12:24 pm
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playfull



Joined: Wed Jul 12th, 2006
Location: Nottingham, United Kingdom
Posts: 202
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Mana: 
Hi Fossil,

As you were kind enough to pass comment on an old post of mine I feel obligated to return the gesture.

Please bear in mind I have no experience, talent or technical knowledge – so please accept the following in the spirit of ignorance of the craft that it is delivered.

 

In answer to your main question I get the narrator bit, it does work so far for me but, I am not always clear if Solly is narrating to the audience or talking to himself, this of course may be as you intended.

There are others on this forum better able to discuss all the merits or drawbacks of using a narrator.

Something that has been mentioned to me more than once is to put in a hook early on to engage the audience. Set something up to get them asking questions. You did mention –

 The others just told me to shut up. It was Hennie’s fault they locked me out, you know -

in Solly’s first narration and I wondered if this referred to some future event? But you did not elaborate or offer any other teasers. If something important or tragic happens later and Solly’s narrations are leading up to this event then it might be a good idea to have Solly  give us some clues at the very beginning and get us thinking.  

Two final small points –

I found the casual use of ‘blacks’ a little jarring and wondered if racism might play some significant part later in the play or be referred to again? Otherwise it seemed unnecessary.

The Play is called ‘My Pal Hennie’ yet he is Solly’s brother? Is this explained later?

As I said please feel free to ignore any or all of the above and keep writing!

 

Regards

 

playfull