View single post by acappuccio00
 Posted: Fri Jul 19th, 2013 03:09 pm
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acappuccio00

 

Joined: Mon Jun 10th, 2013
Location: Los Angeles, California USA
Posts: 8
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Mana: 
Two******* Wealthy friends-
MR. ROACH
MR. SPICK


Lights up on a man in a beautiful leather sofa, crossed legs, tan slacks, black socks, black sports jacket, under white color shirt, smoking a electric cigarette like its a joint. He's holding his smart phone far from his face because his eye sight is so bad. He yells-

Mr. ROACH

Hey, Marty!


His friend Mr. Spick comes out of the restroom with his belt undone, tucking in his baby blue button down into his black kakis, above his brown sneakers. He claims-

MR. SPICK


I've been here how many times since you last remodeled?

MR.Roach


Three? Four times?


MR. SPICK


Alright, that's still not too often.

Mr. ROACH

Its only been a week.

MR. SPICK

I know, and I think I've reserved every bowel movement since, for that bathroom.

MR. ROACH

I have one in my bedroom too.

MR. SPICK

The manufacturers should install a sexy woman voice. It would make it pristine if it was programmed so that it calls you by name.

MR. ROACH

Mr. Spick, initiating cleaning cycle with Dove lotion spray.

MR. SPICK

Mr. Roach, initiating blowing job for ultimate satisfaction and cleanliness.

MR. ROACH

The perfect affair.

MR. SPICK

How much did you pay for that?

MR. ROACH

Almost ten grand. Normally, with its functions its about six grand. I really wanted the lotion feature, and I had them custom make it stainless steel.

MR. SPICK

And they engraved your name.

MR. ROACH

That was expensive. They told me the guy who engraved it was the same guy who engraved the swords in the Lord of The Rings movies.

MR. SPICK

I think it was a group of people working on props in those movies.

MR. ROACH

Well, that's what they told me. Plus it looks really looks like Lord of The Rings.

MR. SPICK

So, it was about a twenty thousand dollar toilet.

MR. ROACH

Forty thousand, since I have two. You should get one.

MR. SPICK

My wife would murder me.

Mr. ROACH

I think she'd enjoy it.

MR. SPICK

She may.

MR. ROACH

I forget that that's how you live your life.

MR. SPICK

There's nothing wrong with wiping your own ass.

MR. ROACH

I mean your wife, being the money maker.

MR. SPICK

I bring in a decent percentage.

MR. ROACH

Investing her money.

MR. SPICK

And, I don't mind being taken care of. Her success makes her sexy.

MR. ROACH

Doesn't it suppress you. Your manhood? God gave you a rod to go fishing, not get hooked.

MR. SPICK

She treats me fair.

MR. Roach

You're brainwashed.

MR. SPICK

You're jealous. I feel taken care of. Suddenly, in my case, behind every great woman is an even greater man.

MR. ROACH

Is that because you allow her to spank you.

MR. Spick

Your wife doesn't spank you?

MR. ROACH

No sir.


MR. SPICK

You don't know what your missing.

MR. ROACH

Look, If I keep messing with the phone its going to be the end of me. Please, do you understand how to turn the goddamn sounds off. It damn whistles at me every 10 minuets and I think I am going to break it if I mess with it much longer. Marty!

MR. SPICK

I'll probably do the same, I stick with first generation stuff. Are you sure he's here?

MR. ROACH

The kid just sits up there on his computer all day. God knows what he's just fondling himself to softcore porn.

MR. SPICK

Oh. Well, We would've done the same thing.

MR. ROACH

At least we had to dig through our fathers closet, work for it. Now its the click of a button.

MR. SPICK

You can find anything on these computers. didn't even know. Then Natalie and I went snooping. You wouldn't believe the things we found. There is a huge database of different types of porn. Hardcore, oldies, teenage, gay, lesbian, separated by race, toys, amounts of people, role play, animal, even live chatting, its absolutely unbelievable.

MR. Roach

Its rotting our kids brains.

MR. SPICK

My nephew's gay. My sister walked in on him watching gay man porn.

MR. ROACH

That's Terrible.

MR. Spick

I don't think id mind, I feel like he'd give me good advice on how I dress. Lately, I feel like all I can wear is cargo shorts and a Hawaiian button down.

MR. ROACH

You'd be a wonderful mother.

MR. SPICK

She doesn't want to be.

MR. ROACH

Has she had an abortion before?

MR. SPICK

No, she was pregnant years ago, she miscarried. We thought that was best for us at the time.

MR. ROACH

I love my son, but he's so filthy.

MR. SPICK

He's had everything he's wanted.

MR. ROACH

Everything.

MR. SPICK

Where's Isabelle?

MR. ROACH

She said she went to go stop by some store to return her versucha? Some shoe.

MR. SPICK

I tell ya, she's a woman.

MR. ROACH

I don't believe it myself sometimes. When we're in bed I feel like I've died and gone to heaven.

MR. SPICK

She's loud isn't she?

MR. ROACH

Marty threw a shoe at the door once.

MR. SPICK

Good. I'd have done the same.

MR. ROACH

He's an adult now. He understands.

MR. SPICK

I saw Deb at Peet's Coffee, this morning. She looks good.

MR. ROACH

What she say?

MR. SPICK

She said to say hi to Marty, and that she wants to know how you are.

MR. ROACH

She look clean?

MR. SPICK

She's a little jittery. Maybe it was the coffee.

MR. ROACH

Her weight?

MR. SPICK

Thin, but she seemed happier, a little pathetic.

MR. ROACH

Well, if you see her again, tell her Marty doesn't want to see her.

MR. SPICK

Sure, but no. I'm not stepping in that shit.

MR. Roach

That landmine. I still get calls from men asking if she's available. I keep them on hold then tell them the phones been tapped, that she's been arrested. Some come up with on the spot stories like how they're in her family, heard she was in a sticky situation, or they hang up right away, hopefully pissing themselves simultaneously.

MR. SPICK

Be careful.

MR. Roach

She deserves this. I could taste the chemicals when I kissed her. She told me it was a cleanse. Have I ever told you that?

MR. SPICK

I never asked.

MR. ROACH

Good. We should take a trip, you and I. None of this bullshit phone stuff, no wife's, no kids.

MR. SPICK

Oh, yea? Where?

MR. ROACH

I hear the Bahamas have some of the most beautiful woman. A mixture of all he most beautiful cultures in one. I hear they bend over for Americans like its an exercise. Not that I'll- But it'll be fun to look at.

MR. SPICK

We should bring Marty. He'd love to get away, i'm sure.

MR. ROACH

He'd complain the entire time. C'mon, you and me. Well smoke some cigars on the beach, grow beards, get a little sun. Forget about the world for a couple days.

MR. SPICK

When?

MR. Roach

Next week.

MR. SPICK

Don't you have the tuition event next week.

MR. ROACH

For kids who think getting into school isn't a luxury. I swear to god, all every one does is complain. I was at a chevron yesterday and this guy asked me if he could wash the Aston for a buck. One, what's a buck going to do? Two, My car was clean. When I came out of the bathroom he tried to tell me how the world is going to end next month and that the government is covering it up, building tunnels underground. He said the earths crust will shift eighteen percent because of the magnetic pull of another plane called nubius or something. Like this bum is trying to do me a favor. Oh, and he told me he knows all this stuff because he worked for the government, but they fired him because he didn't want our extinction to be a secret. The only person who did any good was this kid who told me my gas cap was open when I was on my way out of the station. That's the only thing that actually made a difference. If he had a tuition, I'd pay for it.

MR. SPICK

If the worlds about to end, I don't want to know. Id rather die surprised than die afraid and surrounded by rioting idiots. Also, if the earths crust is going to shift, what good would underground tunnels do? They'd be buried. Poor bum.

MR. ROACH

What's funny about it all is that he was wearing a suit and he had an Iphone. His teeth were rotten though. That was his only bum quality.

MR. SPICK

I bet he's one of Deb's old dealers.

MR. ROACH

He looked 60.

MR. SPICK

The most guilty are the old.


His phone makes sounds.

MR. ROACH

I hate this thing. It's nerve racking. I hear it in my dreams.

MR. SPICK

I'm happy with mine. Simple. I hear you can take a class on getting in touch with the technological age.

MR. ROACH

That's embarrassing. All those old farts. Id wouldn't be caught dead in one of those. If some kid can figure it out, how come I cant.

MR. SPICK

I think its insignificant waste of my time. I'd rather be banging my wife or smoking weed and watching Citizen Kane.

MR. ROACH

Your wife smokes too, doesn't she?

MR. SPICK

The gifts of epilepsy. We smoke together. Occasionally.

MR. ROACH

You think she's ever cheated on you?

MR. SPICK

She'd tell me if she did.

MR. ROACH

Why?

MR. SPICK

I am a good husband. I'm good at it. She'll eat herself alive with a secret like that.

MR. ROACH

Sometimes I sense a slight distance with Deb- Mette. Mette. Shit, that slipped.

MR. SPICK

A little Freudian slip huh?

MR. ROACH

Don't read into it.

MR. SPICK

None of my business.

MR. ROACH

Right.

MR. SPICK

You think mette's cheating?

MR. ROACH

She's just overly social lately.

MR. SPICK

She's from a younger generation. She's got a lot of preoccupations. Anyway, no offense, but this is where I come for good talk, I girl gossip with my wife too much already.

MR. ROACH

Right, i'm just being- So you want to do the trip or not?

MR. SPICK

I'll talk to Natalie.

MR. ROACH

She doesn't need to approve.

MR. SPICK

She might have plans.

MR. ROACH

Call now. I'm buying plane tickets.

MR. SPICK

Now?

MR. ROACH

Yes. NOW.

MR. SPICK

Alright, Alright. Calling... Hey honey. Yes, I fed Frankenstein. The shrimp. You left early. Yes. Saving the world one free range coffee cup at a time. Hey, did Eddie call you about the backyard bar edition. He wants to blueprint Monday, but Kyle wants to go on a trip. You think you can handle it? Bahamas. Few days. Monday. I think he needs a break. Honey. I know. I know. Honey, he's buying the tickets now. He's trying. I will, I promise. Okay, love you. See you tonight.

Mr. ROACH

She still thinks I am a bad rich man doesn't she?

MR. SPICK

The worst.

MR. ROACH

Give her a day in my shoes.

MR. SPICK

I told her that once.

MR. ROACH

What did she say?

MR. SPICK

That she's not in your shoes.

MR. ROACH

Cowards way out.

MR. SPICK

She said I can go.

MR. ROACH

Are you going to be on the phone the entire time about your new bar.

MR. SPICK

Not the entire time, no. But I'll want to put in my two cents.

MR. ROACH


(Begins to laugh)


Literally.


MR. SPICK


It was my idea in the first place. Buy the tickets. Do you want me to ask Marty?

MR. ROACH

If you want.

MR. SPICK

I think it will be fun for him.

MR. ROACH

I guess. MARTY! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!

MR. SPICK

I can go get him.

MR. ROACH

MARTY!!

MR. SPiCK

Just let me go get him.

MR. ROACH

I don't want you to see his room. MARTY!

MR. SPICK

I don't mind.

MR. ROACh

I swear to god what is that kid doing? MARTY, GET DOWN HERE!

MR. SPICK

He's probably got his headphones on.

MR. ROACH

Ill call him.

MR. SPICK

That's ridiculous, Kyle.

MR. ROACH

I need to get used to this thing anyway... Its ringing... Voicemail... Hey, its your dad calling. I'm calling your name from downstairs, Mark and I have a surprise for you. Come down, or I'm sending him up. You don't want him to catch you jacking off do you? C'mon, you'll like it.

MR. SPICK

Uncalled for.

MR. ROACH

He knows i'm messing around. If you had kids you'd understand.

MR. SPICK

You would say that. I love kids.

MR. ROACH

You don't have any.

MR. SPICk

I wouldn't have minded if Nat stayed pregnant. I would've loved that kid like it was the greatest thing in my life.

MR. ROACH

Yea, I do, I love him, he's just tough.

MR. SPICK

In fact I think its because we work so well together that creating what we could would make us the greatest parents in the world. She's afraid. Lately I haven't been, I feel i'm losing time, and a kid would be perfect. I really actually regret it. Don't take him for granted Kyle.

MR. ROACH

I don't.

MR. SPICK

Good. Ill kill you if you do. Nat works too hard to be a mom, but I can be a good one. I can be great. Fuck, id love to play catch. Get messy spaghetti art and whatever else... I gotta talk to my wife.

MR. ROACH

It's not like that anymore, Mark. Its all video games and movies now. Catch doesn't exist anymore.

MR. SPICK

Well ill bring it back. I'm going up there. I'm tired of waiting.

Mr. Spick exits. Mr. Roaches phone beeps again.

MR. ROACH


Fuckin' Mark.


He hears a door slam upstairs. Mr. Spick runs down and stares at Mr. Roach speechless. Stuttering, trying to muster words. Beginning to tear up because of this very difficult thing he must explain.


Mr. Spick

I'm so sorry, I don't know-

MR. ROACH

What?

MR. SPICK

He- just, He's not- breath- he's not breathing. He took the belt and- I'm so sorry.

MR. ROACH


What?!



Mr. Roach runs past him and up the stairs. After a moment you can hear his howl from upstairs. Mr. Spick collapses to the ground, crying, as he hears Mr. Roaches screams.

Curtain.

Last edited on Fri Jul 19th, 2013 05:27 pm by acappuccio00