View single post by AnthonyToohey
 Posted: Wed Sep 25th, 2013 05:27 pm
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AnthonyToohey



Joined: Tue Sep 24th, 2013
Location: Arroyo Grande, California USA
Posts: 10
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Mana: 
I thought it was clever, but like Jesse, thought the ending was kind of telegraphed. For me the dialogue was a little too "on-the-nose," as it were - too direct. I'd like to see a little more subtlety out of Chris and a little less lamb-to-the-slaughter-ness (if that makes sense) out of Mary.

And I had a hard time figuring out where the axe came from. Something a little easier to hide on one's person with one's jacket off would make a little more sense.

Cheers, and good luck.

Anthony Toohey
Twitter: @AnthonyToohey
http://atwrites.wordpress.com/