View single post by Allan_West
 Posted: Wed Aug 12th, 2015 08:25 am
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Allan_West



Joined: Mon May 28th, 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 35
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Mana: 
Alrighty, I gave her a read!

For the copy/paste thing:
1) No
2) Yes
3) No
4) Yes
5) Yes
6) Yes
7) No

Firstly, I'm not sure what the plot is. I don't see any story or advancing characters. This, to me, is a practice play. You have some great points, good dialogue, spot on direction, but it's otherwise dragging. Of course this is me reading only a fourth of what it is.

I know it's a bit blunt, but I think you can do better with plot and structure. And not sure why you have to dive into weird sexual themes, but I'm old school and believe you should write what comes to you.