View single post by David R. Garland
 Posted: Sun Oct 20th, 2019 12:28 pm
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David R. Garland



Joined: Sun Oct 20th, 2019
Location: Toledo, Ohio USA
Posts: 15
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Mana: 
My two cents for what it's worth. I was impressed with your dialogue, the exchanges were quite natural and they flowed extremely well. Perhaps too well, it had a teleplay feel to me, as opposed to a stage play feel. Does that make any sense? Not being critical, and I am certainly no expert. Just being honest. Also, and this is probably just me but it seemed a tad busy, and I had a bit of trouble sorting everything out. I am sure that can be rectified with a rereading of it however. I did like several lines of yours.

MICHELLE. You’re so freaking annoying. Just buy an envelope.

DAD. I can’t put a bow on an envelope. That’d just be weird.
is one that I liked, simply because of it visual and authenticity. Another was mentioned by a previous poster so I will not bother to include it here. I am looking forward to reading your other plays. I hope my thoughts have helped you some.