View single post by in media res
 Posted: Tue Oct 3rd, 2006 11:48 pm
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in media res

 

Joined: Sun Jul 2nd, 2006
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swann,

I don’t really know how much a play this is, as far as my criteria are concerned (don’t take that to heart, I am the first to admit I always may be wrong! Maybe be cause there was not enough gravitas for me. But there was a lot of light-hearted "gravitas" and that is legit enough) but I sure enjoyed it!

I have listed some of your great lines below my commentary that can either stand "quotably" alone or arise perfectly from the situation from whence they came. They kept it moving along for me. I had some terrific chuckles. And you have a certain class of characters down extremely well. I believed everyone of them and how they would talk. It kind of is a “Short Day’s - or Evensong's - Journey Into Night” for this couple.

I feel the same thing will happen tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, with a variation on the theme. “Groundhog Day” kind of thing. But they enjoy it! And if it ends with a "slutty bl*wj*b"…not bad for a days’s work!

I hate to say it, but with the type of humor since you say you have moved from America to England (or humour or as the French say “l’humor anglais (spelling?”) you could do well in Tinseltown! Great timing with the saving line to end a beat…and then it leads into another one.

For me, I wanted more of a heightened dramatic crisis, however. They had a problem, yes, but what was the conflict they faced that came to resolution? Or, maybe that is the point, they do not want a resolution. Is that the point? They enjoy the game? Maybe this is their nightly flirtation? (a'la "private Lives" from Noel Coward. they can't live/live without each other?) Then that is enough. That is the best compliment. You paint the setting pretty good with the words the characters say, giving the actors a lot to do to “create their environment,” so you don’t need much of a set. I would cut back on the upfront description on the specifics of the set, but give a general tone. On a short play, you will never get much of a set, anyway. Costs too much. Limit the need for one upfront as much as you can. (THIS ADDED AFTER SOME SCOTCH AFTER THINKING ABOUT IT - see below at the end of the commentary part: No it is perfect. Just remember you will not have much of a set in a short play.)

One technical problem, but must be dealt with, especially in smaller theatres, smoking in a theatre often causes fire law problems in the States. Insurance goes up like crazy. And fire-laws prohibit it. Maybe make her keep wanting to smoke with one in her hand or mouth all the time and she is trying to quit.

But I give you the utmost compliment: It would be fun to see it performed. Which is the only point!

Now with all that talk of drinking, I am going to go have me some Scotch! Thanks for putting me in the mood.

My advice to the couple: get rid of Ruth and enjoy each other!


in media res


P. S. My advice to the couple: get rid of Ruth! Save their money and probably their minds!


Once i saw your writing i took note of the great lines. Here are the great lines:


At this point, to me insanity is just a huge time commitment. You have to be conscious of your whole life. (I would cut the follow-up "It’s so time-consuming. " as it is repetitive)

I hope that good schools make up for miserable parents.

Everybody I know in London knows I’m crazy and they’re fine with it.

Do we have any arsenic?


(Great exchange in the next two lines)

Sarah: I think so. I’m going to go with it.

Abi: Yeah, maybe, but it wouldn’t kill you to spend a month before you go with it.


I’ve been married for four years and I’m still not sure. You’ve been married four times and you are sure. I’m just wondering if there’s an issue here.


I’ll tell our counsellor. (This sums up contemporary modern life of a certain class of people!)

How can you say we don’t need therapy? You’re from California. (I've lived in LA...very good.)

We vote.

Sarah said you were seeing a therapist with Simon now. I think that’s incredible, darling! How very brave of both of you.

I can’t talk to Nigel without fighting. That’s normal.

You know, whatever works on my toddler pretty much works on him.

Get to California as fast as you can. Go now. No one is self-critical.

Americans are no good at being immigrants.

Can you believe we live in the same building? (perception is all!)

Well, he’ll either go into insulin shock or he’ll be up all night singing Disney tunes.

I guess once every six months isn’t too slutty.

Last edited on Wed Oct 4th, 2006 02:46 am by in media res