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Looking for comments on my play, Walter And Peg - second part  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Wed Jul 12th, 2006 09:54 pm
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John Watts
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Last edited on Wed Jul 12th, 2006 09:59 pm by John Watts

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 Posted: Thu Jul 13th, 2006 01:45 am
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John Watts
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Joined: Mon Jun 12th, 2006
Location: Newark, New Jersey USA
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PEG

(Peg laughs and joins Walter.)

Cookie monster, I loved cookie monster.

 

(Walter pretends to pore the tea and then holds up the sugar container.)

 

WALTER

Would you like one lump or two?

 

PEG

Three please.

 

WALTER

Three?  That’s setting a bad example Peg.  Jessie will start wanting more sugar.

 

(Peg starts to cry.)

 

           WALTER

Now don’t you start too.

 

PEG

Where did the time go Walter?

 

(Walter hugs her.)

 

WALTER

I don’t know Peg.  It just disappeared—like Jessie.

 

PEG

You breathe in it’s kindergarten, you breath out, it’s time for grandchildren.

 

WALTER

There you go again, jumping to conclusions. 

 

PEG

I’m not jumping to conclusions.  It’s just that you blink your eyes and you’re at the age when it could happen and here we are still looking at the same walls.

 

WALTER

Now that you mention it, they could use a fresh coat of paint.

 

PEG

We’re like those stuffed animals, locked in a cardboard box for the past twenty years. 

 

WALTER

Well they’re a little better preserved than us.

 

(Walter pulls out a very ragged and dirty stuffed rabbit.)

Except maybe for Bugsy.  He was used and abused more than any of them.  And the most loved.  I guess love kind of wears you out.  Life would have been a lot simpler if I didn’t.

 

(He hands Bugsy to Peg.)

 

PEG

Walter! 

 

WALTER

What?

 

PEG

That’s the first time you’ve said anything like that in ages. 

 

WALTER

I didn’t say anything.

 

PEG

You said you love me.  No need to be shy about it.

 

(Walter takes the rabbit back from her and puts the rabbit next to him while he prepares the tea set.)

 

WALTER

I was only talking about this dumb moth eaten rabbit.  Look at him.  He lost his left ear when Pickle chewed it off.

 

 

PEG

I miss Pickle too.

 

WALTER

He was a great dog but he’s gone. 

 

PEG

He had a long life for dog. 

 

WALTER

But he’s still gone and we’re all headed in the same direction.

 

PEG

That’s why you’ve got to care about life every minute.

 

WALTER

Caring too much only makes it harder.  I cared about Jessie and she’s gone, I cared about Pickle and he’s gone too.

 

(Pause)

I cared about Joey.

 

PEG

I’m still here.

 

(Walter realizes what he is doing and jumps up from the sofa.)

 

WALTER

Damn!  Look at me.  I slip for one minute and I’m sitting here drinking make believe tea with a one eared rabbit.  That’s not healthy.  It makes you fantasize. 

           

PEG

It makes you human, just like Pickle.

 

WALTER

Pickle was a Cocker Spaniel.

 

PEG

Who wasn’t afraid to show love, just like Jessie did when she was little.

 

(Peg reaches into the box and pulls out a beautiful porcelain doll in white lace dress.)

 

Oh, you forgot one, and it’s Miss Emily, the prettiest.  You’d never know you replaced the leg. 

 

WALTER

Maybe we should put them away.

 

PEG

You spent a week, every night repairing that leg, making it perfect again.

 

(This comment upsets Walter again.)

 

WALTER

It’s not perfect, it never will be.

 

PEG

When she dropped it and the leg fell off in pieces you’d think the world came to an end.  The tears were— 

 

WALTER

It’s not perfect.  It’s not the way it was.

 

PEG

“I’ll make it right again.”  That’s what you said and for days she kept repeating, “Daddy’ll make it right again”.

 

WALTER

You don’t have to go over—

 

                                                            PEG

She looked so little, sitting next to you at the table after dinner for days, watching, till you finished.  She was five and you were her Superman.

 

(Walter yells.)

 

WALTER

I’M NOT SUPERMAN!

 

(Pause)

 

PEG

Maybe I’d better sew the back of this dress the hem is coming open.

 

WALTER

When I was five I believed in Superman.  I even thought that if I had the right cape I could fly too.  Now I’m lucky if I can pee. 

 

PEG

You never told me that.

 

WALTER

It’s slowed down but my aim is still good.

 

PEG

I meant about being Superman.

 

WALTER

What’s to tell?  All kids fantasize.  I had an impressive imagination but I kept it to myself, except the one time.  I’ve got to put this stuff away before Jessie—

 

PEG

The one time?

 

WALTER

Forget it.

 

PEG

No way!  You finally let me in on a childhood secret and I’m not backing away now.

 

WALTER

It’s just kids’ stuff.

 

(Peg takes out the animals and lines them up on the sofa.)

 

PEG

They’re all as interested as I am.  We all want to hear about this one time.  Isn’t that right guys?

 

(Walter gets up and walks toward the stairs.)

 

WALTER

I’ve got to get the rest of her things.

 

PEG

See?  They all said yes.  Come on Walter.  Please?

 

(Pause)

 

WALTER

It was my fifth birthday.  There was a little party, just Mom, Dad, Grandma and Joey.  Joey gave me his lucky bat from little league.  It was too small for him anyway.

 

PEG

I always liked Joey.

 

WALTER

I’d watched him hit home runs with it.  He was really good.  I wanted to be like him, do everything he did.  Anyway I was sitting under the dining room table playing with this truck my Dad got me.  Joey’d gone to get soda from the store.  As I came out from under the table some neighbors came running in.  A car hit Joey, mangled his right leg. 

 

PEG

But I thought he lost leg in Vietnam.

 

WALTER

He did.  When they finally took the cast off he was fine.  But when you’re five you don’t understand.  All I knew was that when I came out from under that table everything went wrong.   So I went back under there.  I figured as long as I was under that table it never happened.  After that if things went wrong I’d go under that table and all the problems would disappear.         

 

(Peg kisses Walter gently.)

 

PEG

Thank you. 

 

(The phone rings.  They look at each other and then the phone, but neither moves.  The message comes on and then Jessie’s speaks pausing slightly between lines.)

 

JESSIE’S VOICE

Hi you guys.  I know you’re there but don’t want to pick up.  Look, I’ll be a little later than I thought.  I’m not going out tonight after all.  But I am coming over, and I will have someone with me I’d like you to meet.  Bye.

 

(There is a pause, as they look hard at each other again.)

 

WALTER

Well that’s it then. 

 

PEG

What do you mean?  That’s it then.

 

WALTER

She’s bringing a guy, the one that counts. 

 

PEG

You don’t know that.

 

WALTER

Come on Peg. You can hear it in her voice just as well as me.  There’s no way any one of us can hide from each other.  When Jess gets that little pause in her voice before her sentences you know what’s up and don’t pretend you don’t.

 

PEG

That doesn’t prove a thing.

 

WALTER

We’ll know soon enough.  If she rings that doorbell before she comes in that’s it! 

 

PEG

An absolute give away when she wants approval for something, she always rings the bell and makes a grand entrance. 

 

 

WALTER

Like when she wanted me to let her join the girl’s soccer team in high school.

 

PEG

And when she came home with that nose ring.

 

WALTER

I’m glad that came and went.

 

PEG

You know I’m feeling better about this already.  At least if I know she’s getting married I can resign myself to being a grandmother and get on with life. 

 

WALTER

You’ve been watching too much TV.

 

PEG

It’s the beginning of a new life Walter. 

 

WALTER

This is not a sit-com where everything gets solved in the final scene.

 

PEG

We can do all the things we’ve wanted to do.  Starting with that car trip to Tampa.  Jessie is finally able to take care of herself.

 

WALTER

You’re daydreaming Peg and next summer is a long way off.  Who knows what could happen by then.

 

PEG

You are not going to back out on me again. 

 

WALTER

I’m not backing out, just slowing down.  Those were your words. 

 

PEG

I was talking about sex, not the Florida trip. 

 

WALTER

No need to get excited. 

 

(Peg yells.)

 

PEG

I’M NOT EXCITED!

 

(Peg heads for the front door.)

 

WALTER

Don’t go planting any more beans Peggy.  Please!

 

PEG

I just want to see if the driveway is clear for Jessie to park her car.

 

WALTER

It’s clear.  I left mine on the street.  I was going to get bread before you stopped me.

 

PEG

That car of yours is just like the table you hid under and this house is just like that car.  You’re still hiding anywhere you can.

 

WALTER

And you want to run away, always looking for an escape route, never satisfied with life.  Why Peg?

 

  PEG

Because chocolate Ice cream isn’t enough anymore.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       Chocolate ice cream?

 

                                                                  PEG                                                                       You don’t remember do you?  You never remember the important things.  Our first date that wonderful summer in Asbury Park when we—  

 

                                                               WALTER                                                                       

Of course I remember Asbury Park.

 

                                                               PEG                                                                       You promised me chocolate ice cream forever.  You said if I liked it so much you’d make sure I’d never be without.

 

                                                               WALTER                                                                       So?

 

                                                               PEG                                                                       So it’s not enough anymore, all the chocolate ice creams, Jessie, the house, maybe not even the trip to Tampa.

 

                                                               WALTER                                                                       After all these years you still remember ice cream.

 

                                                              PEG                                                                      

I remember your promise.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                        Just a minute! You think this is, Baskin Robbins with thirty-two flavors to choose from?  You’re not the only person in the world with problems.  Just look in the paper, listen to the news. Think about Iraq.  I don’t like doing the same thing everyday, nobody does.  Sometimes I get urges too.

 

  PEG                                                                        

Not very often.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       I’m not talking about sex damn it!  I’m talking about things like your drive on the highway today.  I do things on impulse too, everybody does.

 

   PEG

You don’t have an impulsive bone in your body.

 

   WALTER

You know that really long staircase at work that goes from the second floor down to the main office?

 

(Peg nods in acknowledgment.)

It always tempted me.  So one time when no one was around I slid all the way down the oak banister just like a kid.  It was great.  Now every time I walk down that stairs I think about it.  It’s like saying, “Kiss my ass”, to all the insurance idiots I work with.

 

PEG

Well then maybe you know what I’m talking about.

 

                                                            WALTER                                                                       Sure, I know what you mean.  There was a mistake.  You were supposed to be born someone else but somebody fouled up.  Well tough.  It didn’t work out that way.

 

PEG

Cynical, you are so—

 

WALTER

What you got was me and a house that looks like every other one in the neighborhood and you can’t do a damn thing about it. 

 

                                                              PEG                                                                        You sound like you come from another planet.  This is the twenty-first century. You have choices.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       You are who you are and that’s it.

 

PEG                                                                       

There has got to be more to life than this and I want to know what it is. 

 

WALTER                                                                        

What the hell do you want me to do Peg, make you a princess?  Zap, you’re a princess.  But you still shit the same way; you still don’t like people who wear tee shirts in restaurants, or your mother’s tuna casserole.

 

PEG                                                                        

I am not kidding.  I’ve got to do something drastic.  Take a risk; gamble on life for a change.

 

 WALTER

All right Peg.

 

(Walter takes a pistol from a cabinet draw, and gives it to Peg.)                                                                                                   

You want to do something?  Here!

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       What’s this for?

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       You’ve got to make a start somewhere—a symbolic gesture—shoot something.

 

(There is a pause as Peg tries to figure out what to do.) 

Just do it—the damn TV set—your foot—me.  What the hell’s the difference.  You’re in charge Peg.  Do it!  Just do it!

 

(Walter waits for her to react but she just stares at the pistol.)

What’s the matter, can’t decide—too many choices for you all of a sudden?  Here I’ll make it easier.

 

(Walter puts out the living room lights.) 

Well come on; no one can see you, make up your mind.

 

(He puts off the hall light.  The stage is now in total darkness.)                                                                                                     Take a chance. 

 

(There is a long pause and then the click of an empty gun.)

 

PEG                                                                      

It’s empty.

 

Walter puts on the lights.)

 

  WALTER

Do you think I’d give you a loaded gun? 

 

PEG                                                                       

It’s not fair!  It’s not fair!

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       

Now you want life to be fair too?  You should feel good.  A least you proved you had the nerve, more than me cause I don’t want to know what you were aiming at.

 

                                                              PEG                                                               

I did pull the trigger. 

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       That’s what counts Peg.

 

(Walter takes the gun from her and puts it back in the drawer.  Peggy sits on the sofa dejected.)

 

PEG

But nothing’s changed.

 

WALTER

The status quo, that’s the best you can hope for in this life.     

 

(The phone rings.  They don’t answer.  The message comes on again.  Then a voice speaks.)

 

PHONE VOICE

Hi, this is Brenda from Paradise Senior Tours.  I just wanted you to know you have been chosen from a very select group to receive a free trip to Disneyland.  Our senior tours have been so successful that we have decided to offer a limited number of free holidays to our younger seniors who would not normally be eligible.  All you have to do is—

 

(Walter shuts off the answering machine.)

 

PEG

Don’t turn off the machine.  I want to hear.

 

WALTER

That’s it, the death call. We finally qualify.

 

(Peg turns the machine on again and the phone message continues.)

 

PHONE VOICE

—9275. We only have a few spaces left so call now.  Just ask for the younger senior special.  This is Brenda saying, “See you in the sunshine.”

 

(They gradually get louder as they argue.)

 

WALTER

See you in the sunshine.  The bastards are closing in; it’s all these goddamn computers. They know everything about us.  They won’t even let you grow old peacefully.

 

(The phone rings again but they ignore it.) 

 

PEGGY

That’s one of the advantages of getting older.  You get discounts when you travel.  When I went to the travel agent about going to Florida he said that—

 

WALTER

Ah ha!  That’s it.  You gave them a way in.  You probably told them our age, our address and every—

 

PEGGY

I just said I wanted to know about discount trips to Florida.

 

(Walters answering message comes on again but they ignore it and continue to argue getting louder as they do so.)

 

WALTER

They probably know what brand of underwear I use.  Going out there exploring this brave new world is a risky business.  It’s not like when we grew up Peg.  There’s no such thing as privacy anymore.  The only way to protect yourself is not to shake the trees.

 

PEG

I am not shaking any trees!

 

WALTER

You’re planting beans on the front lawn!

 

(They continue to speak over the phone voice.)

 

PHONE VOICE

Hi, this is Brenda from Paradise Senior Tours.  I just wanted you to know you have been chosen from a very select group to receive a free trip to Disneyland.  Our senior tours have been so successful that we have decided to offer a limited number of free holidays to our younger seniors who would not normally be eligible.  All you have to do is—

 

PEG

You did it!

 

WALTER

That was before computers.  You don’t have an excuse.  Shut that damn thing off!

 

PEG

No!

 

WALTER

(Walter shouts at the phone.)

Shut up!

 

(Walter grabs the phone, pulling the cord from the socket and slams the phone down on the table. There is silence for an extended moment.  Then Walter goes to the dinette table and crawls underneath.)

 

PEG

What are you doing?

 

WALTER

This is the safest place.

 

PEG

You’re acting like a child.

 

WALTER

You better believe it.

 

PEG

Jessie is going to be here any minute.

 

WALTER

If she wants to talk she can come and join me.

 

 

PEG

This is ridiculous.

 

WALTER

You know it really feels the same.  I’m talking to your knees just like when I was five. 

 

PEG

Walter its OK.  You can come out. I’m not mad at you.

 

WALTER

You sound just like my mother. 

 

PEG

So how did she get you to come out?

 

WALTER

She didn’t, just sent in cookies and milk and waited.

 

PEG

You want some cookies?

 

WALTER

That would be nice.

 

(Peg picks up the phone.)

 

PEG

I hope the phone still works.

 

WALTER

You can plug it in.

 

PEG

You sure?

 

WALTER

Under here nothing bothers me.

 

(Peg plugs in the phone and exits to the kitchen as the phone rings.  The message plays and then as Jessie speaks, Peg enters with a plate of cookies.)

 

JESSIE’S VOICE

Hi, I’ll be there is about fifteen minutes. 

 

(There is some laughing in the background.)

Stop that!  Bye Mom.

 

(There is a pause and then Peg gets down on the floor to join Walter.)

 

PEG

Make some room.

 

(Walter moves over as Peg gets under the table with him.)

 

WALTER

You want a cookie?

 

PEG

Thanks.

 

WALTER

Sorry about the phone.

 

PEG

You can’t blame the phone.  It’s like shooting the messenger.

 

WALTER

If I knew what to aim at I’d have that gun loaded in a minute.

 

PEG

Time, that’s the culprit.  You might as well shoot the clock.

 

WALTER

Don’t give me ideas. 

 

(Walter farts silently and Peg immediately gets up.)

 

PEG

Oh Walter!  We can’t even share the same space under a table without you doing something revolting.

 

WALTER

It’s the cookies. They give me gas. 

 

PEG

You can’t shift the blame on this one.

 

WALTER

Peg I didn’t know that I—Oh damn!

 

PEG

Don’t tell me.  It’s your back again.  Come on out from under there.

 

(Peg helps Walter get up and over to the couch, where he lies face down surrounded by the stuffed animals.  Peg massages his back.)

 

WALTER

If this guy she’s bringing is one of those computer nuts and he googles all the information you gave out he probably knows about my underwear too.

 

PEG

At least he has a sense of humor, he was laughing.

 

WALTER

Nothing worse than talking to a stranger who has all the inside dope, he could be laughing at my high school report card.

 

PEG

As long as he loves her. 

 

WALTER

And makes a good living.

 

PEG

That would be nice too. 

 

WALTER

Maybe he works for Bill Gates.  A lot of these computer nuts do.

 

PEG

Microsoft, that’s on the west coast.  We’d have to move to California, or is it Washington?

 

WALTER

Why the hell would we do that?

 

PEG

To be near the grandchildren.

 

WALTER

We don’t even know if she has a boyfriend and you have us moving to Seattle and babysitting.  I’m not ready to take grandchildren for walks in the park.

 

                                                         PEG                                                                      

(There is a pause as Peg moves away from Walter.)

We never sat in the park.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       What did you say?

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       We never sat in the park.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       Oh Lord, not more ice cream.

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       We’ve lived half a block from the park and not once since Jessie’s grown up have we sat in the park.  It’s symptomatic Walter, like a runny nose when you have a cold.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       OK, you win as usual.  Give it to me straight doc.  What have I got?

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       Tunnel vision.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       Tunnel vision?

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       Tunnel vision.  You only see straight ahead like in the subway.  Did you ever look out the windows of subway car between stations?

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                        There’s nothing to see until you get to the next station.  Please—get to the point. 

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       That’s what I mean.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       I give up.

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       I Sometimes I lay in bed all night thinking.  And I figure out a lot of things.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       You always do Peg.

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       The reason I majored in education and teach second grade is because it was expected.  I expected it and so did everybody else. 

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       You’re a good teacher.  The kids love you. 

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       But maybe I could have been good at other things too.  I never tried Walter.  Tunnel vision.  I only looked in one direction.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       We’ll sit on a park bench and have an ice cream cone each.  Double dip chocolate, I promise.

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       What would you have done if you didn’t marry me?

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       What kind of question is that?

 

                                                              PEG

I asked myself that question last night and I came up with all kinds of things.  I could have gone in a convent.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       Not with your temperament.  The church wouldn’t stand for it.  You’d have those nuns leaving to join a rock and roll band. 

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       My mother always said I had a beautiful voice.  With the right training I might have been a singer.  Not that I think I would have famous or anything but I could have gone to interesting places, met people from different walks of life.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       I had a dream when I was in college that I never told anyone, not even you. 

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       That’s it Walter.  Come out of the tunnel.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       Before we met I thought about moving to Alaska when I graduated college.  It seemed like the last frontier, a place where you could start something on your own.  I wasn’t thinking of building a log cabin and shooting reindeer but I figured there must be all kinds of services that would be needed as the population built up.                                   

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       That’s really exciting.  Why didn’t you do it?

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                        I met you Peg.

 

PEG                                                                        

I’m sorry.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       That was the one time I stuck my head out of the tunnel and looked around.  Once I had you Alaska didn’t matter.  It’s too cold anyway.   

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       You gave up Alaska for me?

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       What’s the forty-ninth state compared to you?  Our life together hasn’t been perfect.  I’ve done lots of stupid inconsiderate things and on occasion you’ve been—

 

                                                              PEG                                                                        A real pain in the ass.

 

                                                              WALTER                                                                       Those are your words not mine.  But I’m not about to argue the point.  Forget about Florida.  How about a cruise ship to Alaska?  We can find out what could have been.

 

                                                              PEG                                                                       Oh Walter, all that thinking about tunnels and you just made things as clear as day.  Once I saw you I knew what I wanted too.

 

(Peg kisses Walter and gets up.)  

That’s enough pampering.  We’ve got to get this place cleaned up in a hurry.  Get those animals back in the box and put that tea set away.

 

WALTER

(Walter turns to the animals.)

All right guys, you heard the lady.  Get in the box.

 

(He turns back to Peg.)

They don’t want to go.

 

PEG

You’re talking to them the same way you did when Jessie was little. 

 

WALTER

And that’s just the way we like it.  Ain’t that right guys?

 

PEG

What are you up to?

 

WALTER 

Having a conversation with my buddies.

 

PEG

What about?

 

WALTER

Life.

 

PEG

What is that supposed to mean?

 

WALTER

It means I’ve finally got it all figured out.  You, me, Jessie, in fact it’s everybody making a fuss about where life is taking us instead of just enjoying the ride.  These guys know better.  They just sit quietly and wait, let the world keep churning, till somebody comes along opens up the box and says hello.  That’s all that’s needed Peg.  You’ve just got to say hello to life.  

 

(Peggy kisses Walter gently.)

 

PEG

Hello Walter.

 

WALTER

Hello Peg.  I’m not going to let things get to me anymore, just take life as it comes. 

 

PEG

You still need to put these things away.

 

WALTER

This guy she’s met needs to know what we’re about and we’ve got the whole story right here.  Maybe he might like to join us for tea.

 

(There is the sound of a car pulling into the driveway.  It is making some very strange noises.)

 

Sorry, but I couldn't quite fit the entire piece here either so there are a few more pages on a third post.

 

 



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 Posted: Thu Jul 13th, 2006 08:23 pm
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shandrick
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Mana: 
John,

I am offering a comment on your play.

I would suggest you approach the scene as if your characters all wanted something. Like most humans, we aren't getting what we want. This causes tension.

A play requires tone and a signature so that the audience knows right up front they are in good hands. That there will be a competition of sorts and a resolution at the end.

What I read of the play so far is that you have two people talking but not saying much. The audience wants to be involved. Wants to help the characters. Give your characters something to strive for and the audience will be moved to participate.

Hope this helps to make this stronger.

Michael Shandrick

 

 

 

 

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 Posted: Thu Jul 13th, 2006 08:59 pm
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John Watts
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Thank you for your suggestion.  A play is always about conflict and resolution and usually I have not found that the conflict in my plays is unclear but on this one I have had similar comments by two trusted friends.  Others have seen it differently. 

 

Perhaps the conflict is not really on the page but only existing in my head.  Walter is a disturbed man that wants to keep the real world with all of its inevitable problems as far away as possible, living in a protective cocoon.  Peg on the other hand has reached a point where she can no longer accept Walter’s insulated world.   The conflict is the pull between their two views of dealing with life.  Peg does her best to make Walter face the issue of his brother’s death and Walter tries to hide from this anyway he can. 

 

Perhaps this is too cerebral.   Maybe throwing a few plates at each other might help.   

 

I’m still trying to get the last few pages up but the site keeps rejecting the posting for some reason.  I’m not much good at this sort of thing.

 

 

Anyway thanks again for having a look.  I will think carefully about your comment without trying to be defensive and see if I can raise the stakes in some way. 

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 Posted: Fri Jul 14th, 2006 12:07 am
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shandrick
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John,

So there you have it. Each wants something different from each other. This is a good place to show through subtle action, as well as dialogue, how each says one thing and does another. Like real people.  A woman says she wants to see the world, but yet hangs on to the traditions, child-rearing, etc. The man wants to be insular, yet if the right person came along he'd tell everybody to fuck off, pack his bags and be off.

I would suggest thinking about your theme and get it down to a sentence. Then start re-writing. 

I wrote a similar play in which two people were breaking up with a lot of he-said, she-said. But the play was really about why he could not love himself and she was upset by creating a similar pattern with all her lovers. Only when I discovered that could I write the play, which went from serious self-pitying sombre to a semi-serious dark comedy.

MikeS

 

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 Posted: Fri Jul 14th, 2006 12:11 am
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John Watts
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Thanks Mike.  Lots to think about.  I'll see how it goes.

John

 

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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Critique my Play > Looking for comments on my play, Walter And Peg - second part Top




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