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 Moderated by: Paddy, Edd  

Joined: Wed Apr 24th, 2019
Posts: 3

So far I have only received criticism from friends and family on this play. I want to see objective opinions from people I don't know.

I have 3 one-acts that I put onto Amazon to achieve this, but so far I haven't received feedback from anyone.


If you want to read all three one-acts you can download them for free here:

But here's one of the 3 pieces titled "Ivy Inn". I hope you enjoy :)

Curtain opens to a restaurant that has a dining area to the left and a bar to the right. There’s a dart board in the far back right corner and a pool table in the far back center of the room. A jukebox sits adjacent to the bar currently playing “Cum on Feel the Noize” by Quiet Riot. MICHELLE is sitting at a table by herself with only an almost empty glass of water in front of her. She texts on her phone while she clearly waits for someone to show up. Sitting at the table to the right of MICHELLE is a married couple, HUSBAND and WIFE. WIFE is around 8 and a half months pregnant. They are waiting for their food to arrive. To the right of this couple is JIMMY who is at the jukebox attempting to change the song. He changes it to “Rhiannon”, but doesn’t really get into it after a couple of seconds so he changes it once again to “Maggie May” by Rod Stewart. LUCY is working on a homework assignment at the bar with a beer by her side. BENNY the bartender refills her drink each time she takes a sip.

DAD enters. He runs to Michelle and squeezes her extremely hard and kisses her all over her face. Then he sits down beside her.

DAD. I’m so sorry I made you wait.

MICHELLE. You’re actually only three minutes late, that’s pretty good for you.

DAD. How was your flight?

MICHELLE. Pretty quick. I downloaded a couple of episodes on Netflix, so it was a productive flight.

DAD. What show are you watching?
MICHELLE. I’m very slowly making my way through Riverdale. The show is absolute trash, but I keep watching it for some reason.

DAD. I’m still watching Parks and Rec. Honestly, I prefer it over The Office.

MICHELLE. Don’t ever repeat that to anyone else. The Steve Carell fan base is lethal. They’ll skin you alive.

Dad smiles wide and pushes his fingers between Michelle’s long brown hair.

DAD. Thanks for coming out here.

The dad pulls a gift-wrapped box with a bow on the top out of his bag and hands it to Michelle.

DAD. You know most college girls wouldn’t spend their 21st birthday with their dad.

MICHELLE. Most college girls are stupid. Also, if I didn’t spend today with you I’m pretty sure you’d die from Michelle withdrawal or something. And I can’t be held accountable for 2nd degree murder.

Michelle finishes drinking the rest of the water in her cup.

MICHELLE. Me and my friends are going to celebrate sometime next week. Penny threw a tantrum cause we’re not going out tonight, but I told her that my dad was cooler so she can get over it.

Michelle opens the fairly large box and pulls out a card.

MICHELLE. You’re so freaking annoying. Just buy an envelope.

DAD. I can’t put a bow on an envelope. That’d just be weird.

Michelle starts to open the card.

DAD. No, no please don’t read it right now. I’ll break down into tears.

MICHELLE. Did you read this already?

DAD. I’ve never made it past the first paragraph. You know me, I can’t even get through a rom com without destroying my tear glands.

MICHELLE. You want to read it together later?


DAD. Benny come over here!! Benny!

Benny crosses from the bar to Dad and Michelle’s table.

DAD. Benny can you believe it’s Michelle’s 21st birthday today. 21 years old. A legal bar patron. Old enough to gamble.

DAD. (towards Michelle) I’ll kill you if you gamble.

DAD. (towards Benny) 21 YEARS OLD. Crazy. Just absurd.

MICHELLE. Dad please stop.

BENNY. What can I get you Mr. Neil?

DAD. 2 shots of Grey Goose my man.

BENNY. Anything to eat?

MICHELLE. I’ll have some fries.

BENNY. You got it sweetie.

Benny walks away after noting the order.

DAD. Benny you gotta card Michelle. Make sure I’m not drinking with an underage girl!

Benny looks at Dad, but then continues to walk to the bar. He takes out two shot glasses and wipes them clean. He takes a glance at the textbook Lucy is lunging over.

BENNY. Do you not have a library or something to study in?

LUCY. Benny I love your company what can I say. And I also love your cheap beer. But mostly your company.

BENNY. What are you studying for?

LUCY. Multivariable calculus. Absolutely useless information, but my mom and dad are forcing me to take it because they think math stimulates the mind.

BENNY. Maybe I can help you study.

LUCY. Oh yeah? You want to help me convert triple integrals from their Cartesian coordinates into their cylindrical form?

BENNY. I can help you convert a rum and a coke into a rum and coke.

LUCY. A true alcohol wizard you are Benny.

Lucy finishes off the remainder of her beer. Jimmy is sitting about 3 seats away from Lucy at the bar.

LUCY. Give me another one Benny.

JIMMY. (towards Lucy) Don’t think you’ll fully grasp the complexity of a triple integral problem if you’re downing Coronas.

LUCY. Excuse me sir, but this is Corona from the tap. This is not your typical peasantry filth in-a-bottle Corona.

JIMMY. My apologies ma’am I’m not exactly a tap connoisseur.

LUCY. It’s ok. I forgive your ignorance.

JIMMY. …You mind if I take a look at your math problem?

LUCY. Are you a math connoisseur?

JIMMY. Far from a connoisseur, but it is my major so I know a little bit.

Jimmy hops over both of the two chairs separating him from Lucy to quickly sit beside her. He skims over the problem Lucy has highlighted on the page.

JIMMY. Ok so you have to remember that cylindrical coordinates are basically nothing more than an extension of polar coordinates into three dimensions. So even though this all looks like some long gibberish, all you have to really do for these types of problems is focus on the conversion of the variables and then evaluating the integral like it’s a normal problem.

LUCY. Wow you’re a nerd.

JIMMY. Princeton basically lists that as a requirement in their application.

LUCY. Right. I do remember seeing that on the questionnaire. I checked the ‘no’ box, but they still accepted me for some reason.

JIMMY. Probably because you’re so charming and kind.

LUCY. You know, that must be the reason.

JIMMY. I’m Jimmy. Who might you be?

LUCY. Lucy.

JIMMY. No I mean… who might you be Ms. Lucy?

LUCY. no no no no Jimmy. You can’t do that.

JIMMY. Do what?

LUCY. Ask me to sum up “who I am” in a couple of sentences for you. No no no.

JIMMY. (laughs) why not?

LUCY. Because I’m not just some one-dimensional character. I can’t just describe myself with a couple of adjectives and you’ll suddenly know who I am.

JIMMY. So how do I figure out who a person is Ms. Lucy?

LUCY. You spend time with that person. Enough time that you’re able to form opinions about him or her. You get to see how they behave on a daily basis. You’re around them on their best days. You’re around them on their worst days. But, even after you witness all of that, any words that you think describe them still doesn’t actually describe them. Who a person is will never just be a collection of words. A person is a collection of moments… A collection of each and every second that make up our lives from birth to death.

Lucy throws back some more Corona.

LUCY (cont’d) Words are so limited Jimmy. Never Jimmy. Never will there be a set of adjectives that fully capture a person.

JIMMY. Philosophy major?

LUCY. No just took intro to philosophy freshman year… Now go back to that chair (points two chairs over) and start your whole thing again… (pause) Go on.

Jimmy walks over to the other chair sits down for a second. Gets up and returns to the chair next to Lucy’s.
JIMMY. Hello Ms. I was just wondering.. do you mind if I sit here and learn about you through experiences and not through self-imposed adjective based questions?

LUCY. No way you’re the guy that didn’t leave Rhiannon on the jukebox. Bye bye.

JIMMY. Fleetwood Mac is a tad overplayed don’t you think?

LUCY. Oh, and Rod Stewart isn’t? Start over.

Jimmy walks over to the other chair sits down for a second. Gets up and returns to the chair next to Lucy’s.

JIMMY. Hello Ms. You seem like you need another glass of Corona… from the tap.

LUCY. You want to buy me a Corona?

JIMMY. That is indeed my intention Ms. (towards Benny) Hi.. Benny right? Can we get two more Coronas?

LUCY. You know they’re so much better from the tap than the bottle. (Smiles)

JIMMY. I’ve heard. (Smiles)

Benny pours two glasses of Corona and passes it to Lucy and Jimmy while they continue to chat. Benny then pours out the two shots and goes to the back room to grab fries and two plates of burgers and fries (one burger being much larger than the other). He walks the two shots and plate of fries over to Dad and Michelle. Then grabs the two plates of food and brings it over to husband and wife. Dad and Michelle begin to take their celebratory birthday shots.

BENNY. One deluxe cheeseburger and one Ivy Slamdown burger. Can I get you two anything else?

WIFE. No, we’re good. Thank you so much Benny.

HUSBAND. Wait Benny one second.

Husband whispers something into Benny’s year.

WIFE. You do it every year, you think I don’t know what you’re whispering.

HUSBAND. Thanks Benny I appreciate it. (towards wife, laughing) You’re ridiculous. Can’t believe you ordered that monstrous piece of meat again.

WIFE. (with a mouth full of burger) I’m not letting some little tiny baby break my Ivy Inn tradition. Also, I’m teaching her how to embrace her carnivorous roots at a young age. No harm done. I’m sure she’s loving the free meal.

HUSBAND. I’m always truly amazed at how you can just swallow that whole thing.

WIFE. (mouth still full) I’m a very skilled person babe.

Husband smiles at wife for a few seconds.

WIFE. What?

HUSBAND. Nothing, nothing. I’m just happy… I can’t admire my beautiful wife while she tears through a large piece of meat?

The wife chews on the burger in a very sexy way with her mouth open. She gives a quick reveal of her pregnant stomach in a stripping manner.

HUSBAND. Oh so hot

HUSBAND. (Cont’d) Ok you should actually stop now, I think Benny is watching. Long Beat

HUSBAND. (Cont’d) I still can’t believe that a person is going to come out of you. And then we’re going to harbor that person in our house for the next 18 years.

WIFE. You can’t believe it? I’m the one that actually has her inside of me.

HUSBAND. And I love you for being our oven. You’re one incredibly sexy and intelligent and beautiful oven.

WIFE. Keep going..

HUSBAND. And funny and smart and sexy.. already said sexy I think. But that’s just to emphasize how sexy this oven is.

WIFE. I’m the sexiest kitchen appliance you’ll ever meet.

HUSBAND. You’re going to be the perfect mom, you know that. Our daughter is going to brag to her friends about how much better her mom is and then her friends are going to want to get adopted by us because they’ll be so jealous.

WIFE. Beat. I love you.

HUSBAND. I love you too.

Benny brings out a single curly fry placed on a plate by itself and slides the plate right in front of wife.

HUSBAND. And Happy Anniversary.

WIFE. As always, I’m very surprised. Happy Anniversary.

Husband and wife kiss. They lean their foreheads against one another while holding the back of each other’s heads. Benny brings two more shots over to Michelle and Dad’s table along with two beers. Michelle had already finished nearly half of her fries.

DAD. Ready for round 3?

MICHELLE. You’re seriously trying to kill me dad.

DAD. Come on don’t be a loser! 1, 2, 3

Michelle and her dad both throw back the shots and follow it up with the limes on the table.

DAD. Well done, well done. Well now we’ve covered the much-needed liquor base, so we can now move onto beer.

MICHELLE. I’m shocked that you never joined a fraternity.

Dad chugs a good amount of beer once again.

DAD. I’m allowed to love a nice beer and not be associated with a brotherhood cult. You still haven’t told me what’s been going on at school recently…tell me everything you’ve been up to!

MICHELLE. I’m finally only taking courses related to computer engineering which has been so much better.

DAD. Which courses do you have this semester?

MICHELLE. Algorithms and Data Structures, Digital Circuits, Computer Vision, and then I’m just taking that one Body Knowledge course for the Dance Minor.

DAD. So happy you dropped the Physics minor and went with Dance. It’s nice to have those creative change of pace courses mixed into your schedule. Not that the computer engineering courses don’t challenge your creativity, I’m sure they do too, but you know what I mean.


DAD. So, how’s everything else?

MICHELLE. I don’t know. Okay.

DAD. Have you been interested in anyone recently? Any potential suitors I should be updated on?

MICHELLE. Good one.

DAD. What do you mean?

MICHELLE. I mean trust me, no one is interested.

DAD. Yeah.. well, they will be.

MICHELLE. Yeah I don’t know.

DAD. You just gotta keep putting yourself out there. No way anyone will be able to stay away from you after you show them that weird thing you can do with your ears.

Michelle brushes her hair away from ears and blushes.

MICHELLE. Beat. Dad how do you even know what you look like?


MICHELLE. I mean obviously you know what you look like, but at the same time.

DAD. What do you mean?

MICHELLE. I mean how can anyone possibly know what they look like when we’ve had an idea of how we looked implanted in our heads ever since we were an infant.
When I look in the mirror every morning I feel like it’s completely impossible to see a real image because I already have a locked-in idea of how I think I look. I feel like there’s no possible way to ever really ever see myself because I’ve just been exposed to my face too much. Does that make sense or am I just crazy?

DAD. It makes absolute sense.

MICHELLE. Sometimes I look in the mirror and just think to myself that I wish I could step into someone else’s body for just five seconds just to see what other people have been seeing. I mean I’m pretty sure I’m not ugly, but like… where the heck am I on the spectrum.
I wish I was extremely ugly just so I would be 100% sure what people were thinking when they looked at me.

DAD. Listen Michelle… I’m not going to smother you with compliments saying “oh come on you know how beautiful you really are” because you already know how beautiful I think you are and I don’t want to come off as a typical annoying dad. I know right now that it seems like what you look like is the only important thing, but just please please please know that that can never be true. It’s always going to be about personality and how kind you are and how funny you are. And guess what honey, you rank #1 in all of those categories by a landslide. And that can never be disputed by a mirror.

Michelle stares at her dad as her eyes become glossy with tears. She quickly rubs away any trace and covers her eyes with one hand.

MICHELLE. I just can’t do it all anymore dad. Everything is just so tiring. I’m always tired.

MICHELLE. (cont’d) Sometimes I think that you’re the only one in the world that actually cares about me. I walk on campus sometimes and I just look at the hundreds of people walking by and think about how none of them would even care if I just fell and died.

DAD. I talked about moving to Ann Arbor with you. Would you still be ok with that?

MICHELLE. You know you can’t do that.

DAD. I could get a job somewhere near UMich.

MICHELLE. Dad you can’t leave grandma’s firm and you know you can’t be with me at college. Trust me I’d absolutely love it, but that’s not going to make things better. You’d just be putting a Band-Aid on everything.


MICHELLE. How do you do it dad?

DAD. How do I do what?

MICHELLE. You’ve lived without mom for 21 years and I’ve never seen you sad.

DAD. Of course, I get sad sometimes.

MICHELLE. I don’t think I’ve ever not seen a smile on your face.

DAD. I guess that’s because every single time you’ve seen me I was looking at you.

DAD. (Cont’d) Benny! Do you have River by Leon Bridges on the jukebox?

BENNY. I’ll check Mr. Neil.

DAD. (towards Michelle) I heard this on the radio the other day and it reminded me of you.

Benny walks over to the Jukebox and turns on River by Leon Bridges. Dad starts lip syncing to the song while he holds Michelle’s hand. Benny walks over to Husband and Wife’s table and removes the two empty burger plates.

WIFE. I talked to my mom and she said she finally found a replacement good enough to take your spot at the company.

HUSBAND. I still can’t believe you’re doing all of this for me.

WIFE. I’ve always said that I’ve believed in you. You weren’t happy there.

HUSBAND. But I was good at it.

WIFE. But you weren’t happy. You’re not as hot when you’re doing a job you don’t enjoy.

HUSBAND. I won’t make any money you know.

WIFE. Have I ever lied to you?

HUSBAND. Of course not.

WIFE. Right and I’ve told you a hundred times that you’re the most talented graphic artist I’ve ever seen. So that should be enough for you to believe in yourself.

HUSBAND. You’re ridiculous.

WIFE. Hey if no one buys it, I’ll personally buy 100,000 copies myself.

HUSBAND. I don’t know.

WIFE. I already told my mom that she’s not allowed to rehire you. So, either you’re gonna be unemployed or you’re gonna be an unemployed artist.

HUSBAND. You’re really ok with me pursuing this?

WIFE. Does drawing make you happy?


WIFE. Then yes of course I’m sure.

HUSBAND. What about our girl?

WIFE. What about her?

HUSBAND. You think we’re going to be able to give her everything she wants when I don’t even have an income?

WIFE. You’re amazing and you are going to do amazing things. And if you don’t then oh well our little girl won’t be raised spoiled. Ying Yang.

HUSBAND. Did you hear back from your mom about the CFO position?

WIFE. Yeah of course she’s picking me, I’m her daughter. I kind of feel bad for Jennifer, she definitely deserved the spot too.

HUSBAND. You’re getting it because you deserved it, not because she’s your mom.

WIFE. I don’t know. I always feel like I have the advantage so how can I really be sure which accomplishments belong to me?

HUSBAND. 15 years of a marriage is a big accomplishment.

WIFE. That was all you. I was just a passenger.
One second, I’ll be right back.

Wife gets up from her chair, supporting her stomach as she rises. She kisses her husband and walks passed him to the bar.

WIFE. A corona please Benny.

Benny gets Corona from the tap and hands the glass to the wife. Wife walks with the cup over to the jukebox. She shuffles through the songs.

WIFE. Honey honey! They have Tubthumping by Chumbawamba.

HUSBAND. Oh my god they play that song on the radio way too often. Please don’t put it on.

WIFE. Too late.

Tubthumping by Chumbawamba starts playing. The pregnant wife dances her way back to the table with her Corona in hand. She hands the Corona to her husband while she continues to move to the song.

WIFE. Drink this for me. I need to live vicariously through your taste buds.

HUSBAND. I will drink this for you if you turn off this wretched song.

WIFE. I’m your sober oven for two more weeks.. you don’t get to make the rules.

Wife starts to lip sync and rock out to the song:
“I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down”

WIFE. Help me get on the table babe, I’m gonna show off my body.

HUSBAND. I’m married to a loon.

Husband helps wife onto the table and starts drinking the Corona. Lip syncing continues.

“He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink
He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the best times”

Husband chimes in at the falsetto part of the song: “Oh Danny Boy, Danny Boy, Danny Boy”

They are both now fully going crazy at the chorus: I get knocked down, but I get up again. You are never gonna keep me down”

They continue to sing together, but the music fades into the background. Benny continues to clean cups and plates at the bar. Jimmy and Lucy are still chatting while Jimmy has been writing something on a napkin this whole time. Lucy is eating a plate of fries that she purchased from Benny a couple of minutes prior.

BENNY. It’s last call Lucy, can I get you anything else.

LUCY. No, I’m good, thank you so much Benny.

JIMMY. So when’s your birthday Ms. Lucille Graves?

LUCY. January 24th. What about you?

JIMMY. October 15th.

LUCY. Oh wow a little baby. Well happy belated birthday. So you’re only going to be a legal drinker for only 3 months before they take it away from you again?

JIMMY. Oh my god, don’t even get me started with that. The fact that New Jersey is raising the legal drinking age to 21 in January is so ridiculous. You hear that Benny? In two more months I’m not gonna be allowed to drink here legally until I turn 21 next October.

BENNY. Just make yourself a crappy fake like all the other students.

JIMMY. I’m an honest man Benny. I would never do that to you.

BENNY. Ok don’t drink my beer, I don’t care.

LUCY. I’ll have to be sober for 24 days I guess, don’t know how I’ll survive without your Coronas Benny.
Benny two shots please to toast our legally enforced sobriety.

Benny pours out Lucy and Jimmy’s shots.

LUCY. To sobriety!

JIMMY. To sobriety!

Lucy and Jimmy down the shots. Jimmy’s eyes are fixated on Lucy and he is mesmerized by her charm and excitement.

JIMMY. Where were you all this time Lucy?

LUCY. I was in this bar Jimmy.


LUCY. (Cont’d) Can I see what you’re drawing?

JIMMY. It’s not very good.
Jimmy hands the napkin over to Lucy. It has a cartoonish version of Lucy drawn out vividly.

LUCY. Math boy. You’ve just blown my mind. I can’t believe you can draw like this

JIMMY. Stop, it’s not that good.

LUCY. This is real stuff Jimmy. What the heck are you doing as a math major?

JIMMY. I’m good at math, so I just picked what I was good at.

LUCY. You don’t just pick something cause you’re good at it. You pick it because you like it.

JIMMY. Math is ok.

LUCY. Ok is not ok. Can I keep this?

JIMMY. Yeah sure.

LUCY. Here’s the deal you can keep sitting next to me, but you have to keep drawing while we talk.

Wife in the background pauses for a second and then lets out a shriek, but nobody but Husband and Benny seem to notice.

HUSBAND. (to wife) Honey! Honey! What’s wrong!

Wife screams and grabs her stomach. Husband picks her off of the table and rushes her to the ground, but still nobody else pays attention still. Benny runs over to help them out.

Lucy eats some more fries and then stumbles upon a curly fry in the pile. Wife still continues to moan loudly and husband and Benny try to help as best as they can.

JIMMY. Oh you found a curly fry, that’s one wish.

LUCY. What?

JIMMY. Come on, it’s the curly fry rule. You find a curly fry in a plate of regular crinkle fries and you get a free wish.

LUCY. You know I actually still haven’t eaten a curly fry yet.

JIMMY. What? Oh that means double the wishes… go on, eat it and then you’ll feel the immediate powers of the wish.

Lucy eats the curly fry and closes her eyes.

JIMMY. (to Lucy) Can I tell you something?

LUCY. Sure.

Jimmy leans in and kisses Lucy.

LUCY. Powerful curly fry.

Jimmy and Lucy both beam with light in their eyes.

WIFE. Please push the baby back in!! Push the baby back in! I can’t have this thing here.

HUSBAND. Lucy you’re having this baby here. It’s happening now honey. You gotta just keep breathing.

WIFE. No please no!! Jim you gotta push that thing back in!!

HUSBAND. Breathe, just breathe.

WIFE. It hurts! It hurts so much.

Wife screams some more as Benny places a cushion behind her back to lean against the table.

BENNY. Push Lucy! Push!

Dad and Michelle are still drinking and conversing. Wife continues to scream through the conversation, but it becomes inaudible. You can now only see her pain through actions without sound.

MICHELLE. How do you come back here each year dad?

DAD. What do you mean?

MICHELLE. After everything that’s happened here, why do you force yourself to keep coming back here?


DAD. This is and always will be the happiest place in the world for me.

Dad eyes the card that is still on the table that hasn’t been touched this entire time.

MICHELLE. I have to read it.

DAD. No.

MICHELLE. Dad I have to read it.

Dad tears up a little bit but doesn’t offer a counterargument. He pushes the card towards his daughter. He rubs any tears that might be lingering on his cheeks. Michelle takes the card and opens it up.

“Hello baby girl. It’s your mama here. Today should be your 21st birthday and you should be receiving this card today as long as me and your dad didn’t lose it in some junk drawer. Right now in my life I am twelve weeks pregnant with you and I wanted to write down every single thing I was feeling at this exact moment.
So this card is basically for you to see your crazy mom’s mindset back in the day. I’m sure I’ve told you this story so many times at this point, but it’s a story that I want to keep repeating to you. So pay attention one more time.
By the time you’re reading this I would have met your dad around 36 years ago. Sitting at that bar that night I felt an enormous sense of loneliness. I felt like nobody saw me and that no matter what I did no one ever would. I’m sure you’re thinking right now, lonely? You’re a social butterfly mom. Yeah you’d think right.
Sometimes people try to pretend to be what they want to become.
When your dad introduced himself to me that night we met, I was definitely pretending. Your dad probably thought I was so confident and witty. I was definitely not. I was so very scared and timid. In fact, I actually wanted to just hide in my bed and close my eyes to force everything away that night. But for some reason I found myself at the Ivy Inn instead.

Lucy is pushing her hands through Jimmy’s hair on the other side of the room as she watches him draw.

MICHELLE. (Cont’d)
I don’t know if you’re reading this card with me right next to you or if you’re reading it in a college dorm. But wherever you are baby, I just wanted to let you know right now on your 21st birthday that I love you so much and your dad loves you so much.
If you ever feel those feelings that I was feeling all those years ago, go back to this card to remember how even your awesome mom goes through those things sometimes. Don’t worry, don’t panic, your stupid bar nerd is right around the corner.
Also, you BETTER come home to get a drink with me, Benny, and your dad at the Ivy Inn sometime soon after you read this (Notice how I listed Benny first).
I can’t wait to share this special spot with you.
I love you love you love you my little baby girl.
Happy Birthday!”

Right as the letter is finished, Benny delivers Wife’s baby. A crying baby can be heard. Benny hands the baby over to wife and she holds onto it tightly despite looking very weak. She looks at the baby with amazement as the husband peaks his head in to also catch a glimpse of the infant’s face.

WIFE. (with little energy) My little Michelle.


(If you enjoyed please give some feedback and download my e-book to give me feedback to my other two plays!!)


Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Kitchener, Ontario Canada
Posts: 2697
It's interesting. There's a lot going on.

Really liked this line...

MICHELLE. I don’t think I’ve ever not seen a smile on your face.

DAD. I guess that’s because every single time you’ve seen me I was looking at you.

It's technically very challenging for a one-act, and I hate to say, but this feels like film - not stage. I'm not sure how much we'd connect with characters that are ignoring a screaming lady having a baby feet from them.

Good dialogue, but honestly - I just think the story is too convenient. The letter just after Michelle admits she feels the same way, while a baby is being born.

All that said, I might be completely wrong - I have been before.

Thanks for sharing.



Joined: Wed Apr 24th, 2019
Posts: 3
I think you might have missed out on the fact that all 3 stories are not actually happening simultaneously.
Jimmy and Lucy are in the 80s, Husband and Wife are in late 90s, and Michelle and Dad are in present day.

Michelle being their daughter.

I'm not sure if you were confused by this. It might have been the fault of my writing. But yeah.. they aren't ignoring the screaming woman, they just aren't in the same world as her.

By the way I have considered filming this so I can definitely understand what you meant by that.

Thank you for your feedback and your time! It means a lot.


Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Kitchener, Ontario Canada
Posts: 2697
Ah, that makes things so much clearer.


David R. Garland

Joined: Sun Oct 20th, 2019
Location: Toledo, Ohio USA
Posts: 15
My two cents for what it's worth. I was impressed with your dialogue, the exchanges were quite natural and they flowed extremely well. Perhaps too well, it had a teleplay feel to me, as opposed to a stage play feel. Does that make any sense? Not being critical, and I am certainly no expert. Just being honest. Also, and this is probably just me but it seemed a tad busy, and I had a bit of trouble sorting everything out. I am sure that can be rectified with a rereading of it however. I did like several lines of yours.

MICHELLE. You’re so freaking annoying. Just buy an envelope.

DAD. I can’t put a bow on an envelope. That’d just be weird.
is one that I liked, simply because of it visual and authenticity. Another was mentioned by a previous poster so I will not bother to include it here. I am looking forward to reading your other plays. I hope my thoughts have helped you some.

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