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El Jefe (The Chief)  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Fri Dec 1st, 2006 12:09 am
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fred
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Joined: Wed Jul 12th, 2006
Location: New York, New York USA
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Mana: 
I'm not too sure where I want to go with this piece. I know I'm making a political statement of some sort. However, I need clarity, something that is of relevance today. If I sound strange, please excuse my dementia.

Note: I haven't been able to get to end ending.

 

Place:    The office of a Latin dictator

At rise:  He stands away from his desk with his back to the audience. His second-in- 

               command general (whatever that means) stands at attention by his desk.

 

Dictator


How close are they?

 

General


There’s nothing to be concerned about, El Jefe. We have the most impeccable military in all of Latin America. Our state of the arts technology surpasses any third world country that has nuclear power. We are the world. We have the cojones. [balls]

 

Dictator


And if?

 

General


Erase it from your thoughts. You have ruled this country when many of these guerillas were peasant children, in their peasant homes, living their peasant lives, creating this stupid civil unrest with their peasant weapons.

 

                                                                          Suddenly, a red dot is pointed at the

                                                                          dictator’s back.

 

General cont’d


Pa Bajo! [Get down!]

 

                                                                          He grabs his superior and quickly pulls him                     

                                                                          down. Gun shots are heard as well as a

                                                                          woman’s voice who is upset with what’s

                                                                          going on. It is the dictator’s wife.

 

Wife


(off stage) Que cabrones! Los voy a dar con la correa. [I’m going to give them my belt!] (enters as she sees her husband and general under the desk)  Que estan hacienda?! [What you two doing?]Can’t you see how disrespectful those young men are outside? They need to be in school instead of becoming delinquents.

 

Dictator


I told you to stay home! It’s too dangerous to be seen in public right now!

 

Wife


What are you saying? I don’t appeal to you no more? I’m no longer the little Lolita you were crazy about when we met? Who is she? Dime! [Tell me!] Which puta [whore] are you having for dessert this time?

 

 

 

Dictator


Dammit, woman, it’s not like that! We are at war! These guerillas mean business and they seem to be getting the support of the people.

 

Wife


Ay, no! They love us. I’m the mother of this country. They would cut off their right hand than to harm me.

 

Dictator


What about me?!

 

Wife


(throwing him a pity look) When this country’s economy was turning like mielda [shit], who increased the value of our money from 2000 pesos for one American dollar to 5000?

 

Dictator


Me.

 

Wife


And when this country needed to bring up the quality of life, with new roads, new latrines, new jails, who made that possible?

 

Dictator


Me.

 

Wife


So you see…you are loooved, my dear husband. (gun fire soon interrupts the tranquility) Pendejos! (turns to husband) See?! See?! How many times have I told you about spoiling those worthless animals? They will be the death of this country.

 

Dictator


Woman, no me joda! I have more important matters to be concerned with here than to battle with you. Our country’s in crisis, for God’s sake!

 

Wife


(pauses as she’s highly insulted) Okay…if that’s how you feel…I won’t say another word…not one…not ever…punto! [That’s it!] (makes herself comfortable on a chair)

 

Dictator


(to her) Mira, we’re talking business here. Vete palla! [Leave!] This is no place for a woman…Pues [Well], don’t you hear me?!

 

                                                                          Keeping her promise to be quiet, she gives

                                                                          a sign with her fingers that her lips are

                                                                          sealed.

 

General


Perdoname, El Jefe. But we must discuss our escape plan. (seeing his superior’s surprised look)…As a precautionary measure!…in which I strongly doubt we’ll ever use.

 


Dictator


Tell me.

 

General


(pulls out a watch) You must wear this watch. Should you get caught, this will help you escape.

 

Dictator


A watch?

 

General


Si, si! It’s the only ingenious plan I finally have understood. All you have to do is ask for the time and then look at your watch. Make sure to say the word “time.” That will activate your watch and send a quick signal to your special forces to come and rescue you.

 

Dictator


That’s it?

 

General


Si. This high power tech will show where you are, ascertain the number of guerillas holding you and will show all the unguarded places accessible for your men to free you.

 

Dictator


All from this watch?

 

General


Si.

 

Dictator


(thinks a minute and then smiles)  Remind me to give you another star.

 

General


My devotion is to you, El Jefe. Always.

 

Wife


(throws a skeptical remark)  HA!

           

                                                                          Dictator gives her a dirty look and then           

                                                                          becomes a little suspicious. He pulls out a

                                                                          small container and hands them each a pill.

 

Dictator


Should we be captured and all fails. It is both your duty to swallow this pill and expire.

 

                                                                          The General and the wife say nothing and                       

                                                                          just put the pill in their pockets.

 

Dictator cont’d


(acknowledging their obedience) Bueno…How are the troops doing in Santiago?

 

General


Troops? (feigns assurance) Oh, they’re doing pretty good.

 

Dictator


Y San Juan?

 

General


They’re holding their own.

 

Dictator


(getting anxious) And here?

 

                                                                          Suddenly the door burst open with two

                                                                          guerillas pointing guns.

 

Guerilla


The party’s over! Hands up and nobody will get hurt until el dia (de) ejecucion.

                       

                                                                          Guerilla turns to window and waves at his

                                                                          comrades.

 

Dictator


This is a blatant act of treason. I want every one of your names, your family’s names and the names of your family’s friends and ex’s.

 

Guerilla


Por favor, don’t insult my intelligence! You have no power. No money. No influence whatsoever…not even ordering little boys to come to your office.

 

Wife


(to Dictator) Boys?

 

Dictator


(to his wife) This is not the time! (to Guerilla) Do you actually believe you will win? I can and will destroy your miniscule, makeshift army in a matter of minutes.

 

Guerilla


That long? Pretty nervy from a guy who likes to get spanked.

 

Wife


(to Dictator) And when were you planning to tell me all this?!

 

Guerilla


In his next life which will be soon.

 

Dictator


Foolish peasant! It’s only a matter of time. Right now, my soldiers are wiping their asses with your men in Santiago.

 

Guerilla


(chuckles) That would be amazing seeing how we’ve already taken that city.

 

Dictator


Beginner’s luck. When my forces come from San Juan…

 

Guerilla


Taken!

 

Dictator


So what! In Buena Vista…

 

Guerilla


Taken!

 

Dictator


San Jose?

 

Guerilla


Taken!

 

Dictator


San Pablo?

 

Guerilla


Taken!

 

Dictator


San Pedro y Ave Maria?

 

Guerilla


Taken! Taken!

 

Dictator


Bastard!

 

Guerilla


Taken. Ha, ha…(laughs with fellow guerilla)

 

Wife


You should be ashamed of yourselves! Without us you’d be nobody.

 

Guerilla


Without you, we’ll soon find if that’s true or not.

 

General


I will personally see to it you hang from the tallest coconut tree.

 

Guerilla


(to other guerilla) Take him out and make him talk.

 

General


Talk?! I have nothing to say. W-What are you going to do to me?

 

Guerilla


I  will personally  tell you later.

 

General


(with a dauntless expression) Very well. (giving an odd look to Dictator) It’s just a matter of…time.

 

                                                                          Escorted by the other guerilla, the General

                                                                          leaves.

 

Dictator


(to General) Don’t forget to take your medication.

 

Guerilla


Medication?

 

Dictator


High blood pressure. It happens to the best of us.

 

Wife


(to Guerilla) I have never been so humiliated in all –

 


 


 


 


Guerilla


That’s because it’s been long overdue. As soon as we seize the capital, you both will stand trial in front of the people. So relax, kick off your shoes and pray to God to have mercy on your worthless soul, if you have one.

 

                                                                          No one says anything for awhile until the

                                                                          Dictator breaks the silence.

 

Dictator


(looks out the window and then his watch)  Does anyone have the time?

 


Guerilla


What difference will it make? You don’t have much. (looks at watch) Almost 12.

 

General


(off stage) AAAAAAHH!!! Si…in Switzerland. Numero 32797649.

 

Dictator


(incensed at the General) Maricon!  (to General) TAKE YOUR MEDICATION!  SWALLOW THE GODDAMN PILL! IT’S AN ORDER!!

 

General


(off stage) AAAAAHH!!!

 

Wife


This is outrageous. How could you be so brutal?

 

Guerilla


Everything I’ve learned, I have your husband to thank.

 

Dictator


What time is it?

 

Guerilla


I just told you a minute ago.

 

Wife


I know who you are. You’re one of my assistant’s son. Why are you involved in this?

 

Guerilla


Para liberacion de mi pais! [For the liberation of my country!]  No longer will you use the suffering of the populous for your selfish gains. You and your husband are history.

 

Wife


History?!…History?! Is this how you talk to the woman, this motherland (grabs her breast) who nurtured you and gave you life?!

 

 

Guerilla


(puzzled) What?!

 

Dictator


Pay her no mind. (talking into the watch)  I know your time is valuable. So let’s not waste time but instead make time to discuss a possible negotiation.

 

Guerilla


(smirks) Are you kidding me?

 

Dictator


(talking into the watch again)  I don’t have time to kid. What is it you want?…(into the watch) Time is of the essence.

 

Guerilla


Frankly, you are no use to me. You’re already a dead man.

 

Wife


MURDERER! Dame! [Give me!] Give me the gun! This has gone far enough. Dame!

 

Dictator


Woman!  (into the watch) Quit wasting the man’s time?!

 

Guerilla


(becomes suspicious) What’s with the watch?!

 

Dictator


Time?!

 

Guerilla


(referring to the watch)  Hand it over!

 

Dictator


Why?! You have your own.

 

Wife


(break down to Guerilla in tears) Stop it! Stop it! To think of all the sacrifices I’ve made to see that every family gets back a month’s pay of 10 pesos, even though my financial budget could barely feed my little Chihuahua, Stinky, disturbs me very deeply. I have given much too much to no end for this country. The blood, sweat and tears are what the

people have seen from me. Why? (beats her chest) Because I believe that no one should be left behind. Not even the indigenous ones. The programs I have implemented has

 

 

Wife cont’d


brought many of our citizens up to speed. I have given you all values. I have improved your mundane taste for life. I have made everyone find the true path to heaven by forcing you to be subjects of the church. And this is how you thank me?! Now, I see that all my

efforts have led to nothing. For all I care, right now, you might as well pull the trigger and shoot me this instant. (Guerilla cocks the trigger)  My God, you would!

 

                                                                          Wife runs behind her husband. Suddenly,

                                                                          the door bursts open and General is pushed

                                                                          inside by the other guerilla.

 

Other Guerilla


(to General) Go on! Tell him what you told me.

 

Dictator


You spineless scum! It pains me that you would sacrifice your government instead of swallowing the pill.

 

General


Why the hell you think I was screaming?! You said death would come in a matter of seconds. All that damn pill gave me were excruciating gas pains!

 

Dictator


(defensively) Oh, si?! Well, where are the men you said would be here? I don’t see anybody. Do you? (turns to Guerilla)  Do you? How many times must I say time for your stupid plan to work?! Why I ever made you general is beyond me! You’re nothing more than…

 

General


Go on! Go on! Say it! Your little brother. (Dictator pulls the stars from the General’s lapel) I hate you!

 

                                                                          Both men start to choke each other.

 

Dictator


You think you were a prize to Mommy, when she found out she was pregnant by Uncle Chucho?

 

                                                                          Suddenly, the rescue team bangs on the

                                                                          door.

 

Rescuer’s Voice


El Jefe?! Are you in there?…El Jefe?

 

 


 


Dictator


Si, come in. (sees guerillas pointing their guns) No, no! Wait! I am being held captive by two ruthless guerillas.

 

Rescuer’s Voice


More ruthless than you?

 

Wife


(screams to show how ruthless) AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

 

Rescuer’s Voice


Christ! I’m going back for reinforcements.

 

Wife


We’ll be dead by then, you idiot!

 

Rescuer’s Voice


Is that your wife?

 

Wife


No, his bitch.

 

Rescuer’s Voice


(complimenting) Niiice…Well, don’t worry. We’ll make them kneel to our demands.

 

Guerilla


(to Rescuer) Ha, ha…Give it your best shot, hombre.

 

Rescuer’s Voice


(addressing his comrades)  Estan lista? (Ready?) PALANTE! [Charge!]

 

                                                                          Stage lights quickly shut down. We hear        

                                                                          the door burst open. Gun fires light the

                                                                          stage.  When the shooting stops, there is a                     

                                                                          moment of silence. Stage lights up again.                 

                                                                          Dictator wakes up from his nightmare and

                                                                          looks around his empty office. He’s in

                                                                         civilian attire. Moments later, General          

                                                                         enters in the same uniform Dictator was

                                                                          wearing.                    

 

General


What the hell are you doing here?!

 

Dictator


I dreamt that I was you.

General


(rolls his eyes) Did you take your pill?

 

Dictator


Pill?

 

General


I have no time for this –

 

Dictator


Time?

 

Suddenly, Wife enters but dressed as a nurse.

 

Wife


(to Dictator) So here’s where you’re hiding.

 

Dictator


(to Wife) Why isn’t he in his room?

 

Guerilla enters in a tennis outfit carrying a rack. He addresses the General.

 


Guerilla


(upset) I am not my mother’s son but your illegitimate  bastard!

 

General


How did you guess?

 

Guerilla breaks down in tears and storms out.

 

Dictator


I smell revolution.

 

General


(to Wife) Get him out of here!

 

Dictator


You can not stop fate.

 

Wife


Now, come along Senior.  You’ll feel much better after you’ve taken you medication.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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 Posted: Fri Dec 1st, 2006 03:47 pm
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Edd
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Joined: Sat Jun 10th, 2006
Location: Denver, Colorado USA
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Mana: 
Fred,

I haven't had the chance to read your script yet, but when I read "His second-in-command general (whatever that means) stands at attention by his desk" I burst out laughing.  "Whatever that means" is one of my favorite lines.  I find I am using it more and more as I get older and older.  Yesterday I asked someone to put on her thinking cap (whatever that means).  There is an overwhelming amount of information we hear and repeat without question because we know what we mean--we have a sense for it.  "Whatever that means," God, I love it!  What does anything mean really?

What did you write today?

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 Posted: Mon Dec 4th, 2006 03:26 am
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fred
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Joined: Wed Jul 12th, 2006
Location: New York, New York USA
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Mana: 
Edd,

I'm glad I hit your funny cord with those few words. As you can see, I'm with you on whatever anything means. I mean it too.

 I look forward to getting your feedback, when you get the chance.

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